1 00:00:05,913 --> 00:00:07,412 I am about to sit down with AT&T, 2 00:00:07,496 --> 00:00:08,995 trying to close this massive deal, 3 00:00:09,079 --> 00:00:12,120 but that all depends on getting Hawaii right. 4 00:00:12,204 --> 00:00:14,329 And you would rather do Hawaii than RussFest? 5 00:00:14,412 --> 00:00:17,579 I would rather... do my own mother... 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,245 than RussFest. 7 00:00:19,788 --> 00:00:21,995 I've made myself the CEO of YaoNet, 8 00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:23,663 which I'm moving back to the US. 9 00:00:24,037 --> 00:00:27,245 Son of Anton, it's the name I've given our new inference API. 10 00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:28,371 He can do whatever he wants. 11 00:00:28,704 --> 00:00:31,829 I call for the attorney general of the state of California 12 00:00:31,913 --> 00:00:33,995 to launch an immediate investigation 13 00:00:34,079 --> 00:00:36,663 of my conduct as CEO of Hooli. 14 00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:39,329 Enjoy the injunction, thumb ass. 15 00:00:39,537 --> 00:00:41,287 Don de la Renta, the AG of California, 16 00:00:41,371 --> 00:00:42,913 -is gonna do what I tell him to do. -Why? 17 00:00:42,995 --> 00:00:44,037 'Cause I have dirt on him. 18 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,245 You ready to dump Hawaii and join RussFest? 19 00:00:48,329 --> 00:00:49,995 DINESH CHUGTAI: It's beautiful. 20 00:00:50,079 --> 00:00:51,120 Boom! 21 00:00:57,913 --> 00:01:00,287 Richard: And upon entering RussFest, 22 00:01:00,371 --> 00:01:01,788 each attendee will be given 23 00:01:01,871 --> 00:01:03,995 a PiperNet enabled smartphone, 24 00:01:04,079 --> 00:01:08,913 which will give them access to secure messaging, social, voice, Internet-- 25 00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:10,579 So boring, right? 26 00:01:10,663 --> 00:01:13,245 You see the new logo? Huh? 27 00:01:13,329 --> 00:01:14,913 Huh? Check. 28 00:01:14,995 --> 00:01:17,537 One, two, three. 29 00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:19,371 Tres Comas Tequila. 30 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,913 My brand. Dollar sign. 31 00:01:20,995 --> 00:01:22,412 Billionaire. 32 00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:24,496 Russ. Fest! 33 00:01:25,663 --> 00:01:27,663 RussFest. 34 00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,079 Right. 35 00:01:29,162 --> 00:01:31,537 No, yeah, it's-it's gonna be good. Uh-- 36 00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:33,245 -Yeah, it's gonna be great. -Yeah. 37 00:01:33,329 --> 00:01:35,329 Well, uh, anyway, uh-- 38 00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:37,579 Crazy Town's gonna be there. 39 00:01:38,204 --> 00:01:39,995 So is Puddle of Mudd. You know Puddle of Mudd? 40 00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:41,913 No. 41 00:01:41,995 --> 00:01:43,663 Fucking Puddle of Mudd! Dude, listen. 42 00:01:43,746 --> 00:01:46,829 (singing along): ♪ Everything is so blurry ♪ 43 00:01:46,913 --> 00:01:49,829 ♪ And everyone's so fake ♪ 44 00:01:49,913 --> 00:01:52,829 ♪ And everyone is empty ♪ 45 00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,621 ♪ And everything is so messed up ♪ 46 00:01:55,704 --> 00:01:58,245 Right? Yeah, you know Puddle of Mudd. Awesome. 47 00:01:58,329 --> 00:02:00,287 This is a good meeting, guys, excellent. 48 00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:03,954 I gotta jet. Bye, guys. Cory, where you at, dawg? 49 00:02:04,037 --> 00:02:06,995 We're really excited about the possibility of working with you. 50 00:02:07,079 --> 00:02:08,621 Michael: Cool. 51 00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:13,871 (chuckles) Yeah. So, uh, what do you, uh... 52 00:02:14,329 --> 00:02:17,412 What do you think, Michael? Uh, you and us. 53 00:02:17,496 --> 00:02:19,954 AT&T, Pied Piper. Dealy deal. 54 00:02:20,037 --> 00:02:21,954 Richard, your tech is impressive, 55 00:02:22,037 --> 00:02:24,913 but we're going with YaoNet, they're a safe bet. 56 00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:26,788 And by the way, it doesn't seem like 57 00:02:26,871 --> 00:02:28,913 you're telling your people out there what's really happening. 58 00:02:28,995 --> 00:02:31,579 -Hang on-- -No. Maybe you can do a deal with someone else. 59 00:02:31,663 --> 00:02:34,120 -You know, there's, uh-- -No, no, we can't, Michael. 60 00:02:34,204 --> 00:02:36,120 Look, we already have an agreement in principle. 61 00:02:36,204 --> 00:02:38,954 Okay, well, if you have an agreement in principle, 62 00:02:39,037 --> 00:02:40,954 you can have a disagreement in principle. 63 00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:43,496 I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. 64 00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:47,371 Michael, I'm sorry that you're missing out on this opportunity. 65 00:02:48,746 --> 00:02:52,079 Honestly, I walk everyone to their car. Yeah. 66 00:02:53,412 --> 00:02:55,287 What can we do to sweeten the pot? 67 00:02:55,371 --> 00:02:58,621 You know? Oh, we could add cashless transactions. 68 00:02:58,704 --> 00:03:00,704 What if everything is handled on the phone? 69 00:03:00,788 --> 00:03:04,829 -Right? You use it to swipe into parties or VIP areas-- -Richard, 70 00:03:04,913 --> 00:03:06,954 this is done. 71 00:03:07,037 --> 00:03:09,496 -Okay? -What about holograms? 72 00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:12,913 Okay, this is your last chance. Are you in or out? 73 00:03:15,788 --> 00:03:16,995 (tires screech) 74 00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:20,663 -Richard: Fuck! -That appears to imply out. 75 00:03:20,746 --> 00:03:22,496 Fuck. Fuck it. Fucker. 76 00:03:22,579 --> 00:03:25,454 -Cockfucker. -Richard, people in there have been working themselves 77 00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:27,954 half to death for weeks for no pay. 78 00:03:28,037 --> 00:03:30,287 This is not going to go over well. 79 00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:33,954 I'm gonna wait out here while you go in and tell them. 80 00:03:35,037 --> 00:03:36,537 I'm not gonna say anything. 81 00:03:37,245 --> 00:03:41,079 If I keep my mouth shut, then there's still a chance at snaking the YaoNet deal. 82 00:03:41,162 --> 00:03:43,329 But if I tell everyone in there what's really going on, 83 00:03:43,412 --> 00:03:45,496 we won't make it to RussFest, and we'll be dead. 84 00:03:45,579 --> 00:03:48,454 -Is that what you want? -That's a fair point. 85 00:03:49,412 --> 00:03:51,120 -That's what I thought. Okay. -(claps) 86 00:03:51,204 --> 00:03:53,329 Let's get back to work. Let's go. 87 00:03:53,995 --> 00:03:56,995 If this comes out, I'll cover your ass if you cover mine. 88 00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:58,746 If what comes out? 89 00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:00,829 -My man. -No. 90 00:04:00,913 --> 00:04:03,621 (theme song playing) 91 00:04:11,704 --> 00:04:15,287 ♪ ♪ 92 00:04:18,663 --> 00:04:20,162 (sighs) 93 00:04:20,245 --> 00:04:21,704 Oh! 94 00:04:24,995 --> 00:04:26,412 (chuckling) 95 00:04:26,496 --> 00:04:28,871 Dodgy gadin, my merry knights of Piper. 96 00:04:28,954 --> 00:04:30,245 Sir Owen, 97 00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:33,079 doing valiant battle with the authentication service. 98 00:04:33,162 --> 00:04:34,579 Yes, good. Yeah. 99 00:04:34,663 --> 00:04:37,204 Oh, and prithee, Becky, 100 00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:38,245 my queen, 101 00:04:38,329 --> 00:04:40,954 how goeth cashless payments? 102 00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,579 Russ's pricing keeps tripping us up. 103 00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:43,995 -Okay, how so? -Well, 104 00:04:44,079 --> 00:04:46,079 this morning, he decided everyone at RussFest 105 00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:47,329 should be a billionaire, 106 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,704 so every dollar someone puts into their account 107 00:04:49,788 --> 00:04:51,829 will now be worth one billion RussBucks. 108 00:04:51,913 --> 00:04:53,162 Zwoons! 109 00:04:54,204 --> 00:04:56,621 So, what, like a sandwich will be worth 110 00:04:56,704 --> 00:04:58,329 15 billion RussBucks or something? 111 00:04:58,412 --> 00:05:00,788 Fourteen billion, nine hundred and ninety-nine million, 112 00:05:00,871 --> 00:05:02,079 nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, 113 00:05:02,162 --> 00:05:03,454 nine hundred and ninety-nine RussBucks 114 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,995 and ninety-nine RussCents. 115 00:05:05,079 --> 00:05:07,120 because he thought that would sound cheaper. 116 00:05:07,204 --> 00:05:08,954 It's kind of screwing up the interface, 117 00:05:09,037 --> 00:05:11,954 but the whole AT&T deal is riding on this, right? 118 00:05:12,037 --> 00:05:13,287 We'll get there. 119 00:05:13,371 --> 00:05:14,954 Good. Okay. Excellent. 120 00:05:15,037 --> 00:05:20,204 Well, uh, code like the wind, my lady. (chuckles) Yeah. 121 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,329 Ho, ho! Good Friar Gabriel. 122 00:05:22,412 --> 00:05:26,162 How dost thou fair with the ticketing module? (grunts) 123 00:05:27,204 --> 00:05:28,579 It's gone. 124 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,704 What do you mean gone? 125 00:05:31,079 --> 00:05:33,496 For some reason, Gilfoyle deleted the whole thing 126 00:05:33,579 --> 00:05:35,371 -a few minutes ago. -What? 127 00:05:35,454 --> 00:05:37,120 Yeah. 128 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:40,162 -Gilfoyle? -Yes, Richard. I'm aware. 129 00:05:40,245 --> 00:05:41,954 The drone dispatching code has been deleted, 130 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:45,120 and I'm working very hard to restore the right version. 131 00:05:45,204 --> 00:05:46,704 Whoa, whoa. Drone code? 132 00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:49,204 Gabe just told me that the ticketing module got deleted. 133 00:05:49,287 --> 00:05:51,120 Ticketing, too? 134 00:05:51,204 --> 00:05:53,537 Fuck, that's problematic. I'll get on that next. 135 00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,871 What the fuck is going on? 136 00:05:56,454 --> 00:05:57,829 Based on the amount of work left to do 137 00:05:57,913 --> 00:05:59,746 and the number of hours left before the festival, 138 00:05:59,829 --> 00:06:01,579 I decided to task Son of Anton 139 00:06:01,663 --> 00:06:04,496 to use machine learning to debug some of our code. 140 00:06:04,579 --> 00:06:07,954 What? Gilfoyle, are you fucking kidding me? 141 00:06:08,037 --> 00:06:10,162 You gave your AI permission 142 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,663 to overwrite code in the internal file system? 143 00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:15,162 -Were you gonna tell me about this? -No. 144 00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,621 I thought that was the company policy 145 00:06:17,704 --> 00:06:19,621 -these days. -Okay, well, 146 00:06:19,704 --> 00:06:22,204 your AI just failed, epically. 147 00:06:22,287 --> 00:06:24,454 That's unclear. 148 00:06:24,537 --> 00:06:26,162 It's possible that Son of Anton decided that 149 00:06:26,245 --> 00:06:28,788 the most efficient way to get rid of all the bugs 150 00:06:28,871 --> 00:06:30,287 was to get rid of all the software, 151 00:06:30,371 --> 00:06:33,287 which is technically and statistically correct. 152 00:06:33,371 --> 00:06:36,037 But artificial neural nets are sort of a black box, 153 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,621 -so we'll never know for sure. -Dinesh: Hey, Richard. 154 00:06:38,704 --> 00:06:42,120 Did you order meat? Like a bunch of meat? 155 00:06:42,204 --> 00:06:46,454 Like 4,000 pounds of meat? 156 00:06:47,788 --> 00:06:49,537 Interesting. 157 00:06:49,621 --> 00:06:52,704 I put Son of Anton on finding us cheap hamburgers for lunch. 158 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:56,579 It looks like the reward function was a little under-specified. 159 00:06:56,663 --> 00:06:59,079 Okay, from now on, Son of Anton is banned. 160 00:06:59,162 --> 00:07:02,496 Just write code like a normal human fucking being, please. 161 00:07:02,579 --> 00:07:04,120 Dinesh: Hey, Gilfoyle. 162 00:07:04,204 --> 00:07:07,746 So, I've been thinking about your AI, and its many deficits. 163 00:07:07,829 --> 00:07:11,496 I think Son of Anton's issue might be how it's handling reward uncertainty. 164 00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:13,913 Your issue may be insecurity, 165 00:07:13,995 --> 00:07:17,496 masked by false bravado and unisex cologne. 166 00:07:17,579 --> 00:07:20,120 Fuck off. It's not unisex. 167 00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:21,329 (sniffs) 168 00:07:22,537 --> 00:07:25,120 ♪ ♪ 169 00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:27,913 Hey, um, Richard? 170 00:07:27,995 --> 00:07:31,079 I was curious if you had a moment to clear the air. 171 00:07:31,162 --> 00:07:32,537 Is this about Holden? 172 00:07:32,621 --> 00:07:34,871 No. Holden's a bitch and he quit. 173 00:07:34,995 --> 00:07:36,621 No, I-I wanted to talk to you 174 00:07:36,704 --> 00:07:39,621 about the Gwart-shaped tension between us. 175 00:07:39,704 --> 00:07:41,746 You know, she and I worked very closely together, 176 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,329 and now she's working for YaoNet. 177 00:07:44,412 --> 00:07:45,871 She's, essentially, the enemy, 178 00:07:45,954 --> 00:07:48,746 so it would be fair for you to have concerns. 179 00:07:48,829 --> 00:07:50,287 I have no concerns. 180 00:07:50,371 --> 00:07:51,913 Okay, good. 181 00:07:51,995 --> 00:07:54,245 Because I don't think about her, you know, 182 00:07:54,329 --> 00:07:56,287 or if she's hungry or cold right now, 183 00:07:56,371 --> 00:07:59,079 or if she's still giving most of her income to Rand Paul. 184 00:07:59,162 --> 00:08:00,954 Richard! 185 00:08:01,037 --> 00:08:03,287 Check it! Okay. 186 00:08:03,371 --> 00:08:04,995 Hologram question. 187 00:08:05,079 --> 00:08:08,871 You told AT&T that the hologram would be interactive, right? 188 00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:11,579 -Yes. -See, asshole? 189 00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:13,537 My hologram can 100% 190 00:08:13,621 --> 00:08:15,704 dry hump festival-goers from behind. 191 00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:17,913 If they ask for it. Hashtag woke. 192 00:08:17,995 --> 00:08:20,371 All right. Let's go! 193 00:08:20,454 --> 00:08:23,162 Spidey jump. 194 00:08:23,245 --> 00:08:26,371 ♪ ♪ 195 00:08:38,579 --> 00:08:41,871 ♪ ♪ 196 00:08:49,079 --> 00:08:51,162 Ticketing's running smoothly. 197 00:08:51,245 --> 00:08:53,621 Mobile purchasing seems stable. 198 00:08:53,704 --> 00:08:54,663 That's good. 199 00:08:54,746 --> 00:08:57,037 -Russ. Hey. -I fucked up, Richard. 200 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,204 Why did I make one dollar worth a billion RussBucks? 201 00:08:59,287 --> 00:09:01,329 I mean, everyone wants to be a billionaire, but they didn't earn it, 202 00:09:01,412 --> 00:09:03,537 so are they gonna feel bad about themselves? Why would I do that? 203 00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:07,079 -I guess because I'm an asshole and I wanna have a bad festival! -Richard: No, no, Russ. 204 00:09:07,162 --> 00:09:09,371 Don't worry about it. Everything is amazing. 205 00:09:09,454 --> 00:09:11,037 -Yeah? -Yeah, I tell you what. 206 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,245 Why don't we see the hologram? 207 00:09:13,329 --> 00:09:15,537 -The hologram's ready? -It's up. 208 00:09:16,454 --> 00:09:18,120 -Yeah, let's go see the hologram. -Okay, come on. 209 00:09:18,204 --> 00:09:20,995 -This way. (chuckling) -Fuck yeah! Fucking hologram! 210 00:09:22,371 --> 00:09:24,454 ♪ ♪ 211 00:09:29,204 --> 00:09:31,329 (noisy chattering) 212 00:09:33,371 --> 00:09:35,496 (hologram humming) 213 00:09:36,829 --> 00:09:40,079 -Richard: See? There he is. -Russ: Okay. 214 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,079 Yeah, that's pretty sweet. 215 00:09:43,162 --> 00:09:44,829 Fist bump! 216 00:09:44,913 --> 00:09:45,829 Dry hump! 217 00:09:46,663 --> 00:09:48,788 -Double guns! -(crackling) 218 00:09:48,871 --> 00:09:50,329 Wait, what's it doing? 219 00:09:53,079 --> 00:09:54,287 Richard, what the fuck? 220 00:09:55,788 --> 00:09:57,079 Well, uh, uh... 221 00:09:57,162 --> 00:09:58,829 Once more people show up, 222 00:09:58,913 --> 00:10:01,120 the network effect will take over, 223 00:10:01,204 --> 00:10:02,746 and it will stabilize, I promise. 224 00:10:02,829 --> 00:10:04,829 Do you swear? Because one time, I threw a party 225 00:10:04,913 --> 00:10:07,079 and David Copperfield said it was beat. 226 00:10:07,162 --> 00:10:09,746 -Promise me that this will not be beat. -It won't be beat. 227 00:10:09,829 --> 00:10:12,329 -Okay. Okay. -Yeah. 228 00:10:13,621 --> 00:10:15,371 I know, I know. Why did I wear these pants? 229 00:10:15,454 --> 00:10:17,412 Part denim, part leather. 230 00:10:17,496 --> 00:10:18,746 Pick a lane, Russ. 231 00:10:18,829 --> 00:10:20,621 Fuck. Fuck. 232 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:23,329 Fuck, I'm gonna change my pants! 233 00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:24,746 (beeps) 234 00:10:31,746 --> 00:10:34,079 Richard: Jared, what are you doing? Come on! 235 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:38,579 Hey, what the fuck is going on? 236 00:10:38,663 --> 00:10:40,412 Russ's hologram is glitching like crazy. 237 00:10:40,496 --> 00:10:41,871 Dinesh: We don't know. Everything's lagging: 238 00:10:41,954 --> 00:10:44,120 our apps, third party apps, transactions. 239 00:10:44,204 --> 00:10:47,120 Gilfoyle: Everything was fine and then the network started deteriorating. 240 00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:50,287 We should be way closer to 100% capacity by now. 241 00:10:50,371 --> 00:10:52,579 I'm running diagnostics, but I haven't found anything. 242 00:10:52,663 --> 00:10:55,287 Also, this trailer is filled with ants. 243 00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:57,287 Fucking Gabe. 244 00:10:57,371 --> 00:10:59,496 I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't know anything 245 00:10:59,579 --> 00:11:02,245 about a Pied Piper girls' coding camp. 246 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,454 Oh, ask Priyanka. That sounds like her bag of bullshit. 247 00:11:05,537 --> 00:11:07,579 I did, it's not hers. 248 00:11:07,663 --> 00:11:10,162 I'm sorry. You said you spoke to an employee 249 00:11:10,245 --> 00:11:12,245 named Eric Bachman? 250 00:11:13,995 --> 00:11:16,120 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 251 00:11:16,204 --> 00:11:18,287 (whispering): Hey. Give me that. 252 00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,162 Hi. Does your Eric Bachman 253 00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:24,245 have a Chinese accent? 254 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,704 Okay. I tweaked the microwave backhaul antennas. 255 00:11:36,788 --> 00:11:38,913 Did that make any difference to the... 256 00:11:39,913 --> 00:11:41,746 Is there something you wanna tell us? 257 00:11:42,871 --> 00:11:45,037 I respect you all? 258 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,537 (beeps) 259 00:11:46,621 --> 00:11:49,371 Maximo: Hello. I am giving a press conference, 260 00:11:49,454 --> 00:11:53,037 and I am so happy to be in partnership with Ah-Tay-ee-Tay. 261 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,120 You can surf our decentralized Internet 262 00:11:55,204 --> 00:11:58,287 like Hawaiian surfers can surf the big waves. 263 00:11:58,371 --> 00:11:59,454 (beeps) 264 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:03,120 Whoa. Bombshell. 265 00:12:03,204 --> 00:12:05,954 Michael must've known they were going with YaoNet. 266 00:12:06,454 --> 00:12:08,329 Did you know? 267 00:12:09,371 --> 00:12:10,704 You knew, 268 00:12:10,788 --> 00:12:12,788 and you added more features. 269 00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:15,829 Ticketing, banking, the fucking hologram. 270 00:12:15,913 --> 00:12:18,329 You've had us on a death march for nothing. 271 00:12:18,412 --> 00:12:21,621 What? Richard! No. 272 00:12:22,079 --> 00:12:23,537 -Aah! -(clatters) 273 00:12:23,621 --> 00:12:27,162 (sighs) Gilfoyle, you're being awfully quiet. 274 00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:29,746 -Did you know? -Richard: Now look, guys, 275 00:12:29,829 --> 00:12:32,746 these deals never really ever close. 276 00:12:32,829 --> 00:12:35,663 Danny: "AT&T and YaoNet close deal." 277 00:12:35,746 --> 00:12:38,162 That seems pretty closed to me. 278 00:12:38,245 --> 00:12:39,871 My guys. 279 00:12:39,954 --> 00:12:42,037 How dare you do this to my guys? 280 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,079 Can we just please have this discussion later 281 00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:46,913 because right now, we need to figure out-- 282 00:12:46,995 --> 00:12:49,120 We? Who's we? 283 00:12:49,204 --> 00:12:51,162 -We're out. -Yeah. 284 00:12:52,329 --> 00:12:54,788 What? Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 285 00:12:54,871 --> 00:12:55,829 My guys. 286 00:12:55,913 --> 00:12:58,079 -(chair rattling) -Gabe... 287 00:12:58,162 --> 00:12:59,162 You can go. 288 00:12:59,663 --> 00:13:02,704 I'll contact you all later for your exit interviews, 289 00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:04,663 and I'm sorry about the ants. 290 00:13:04,746 --> 00:13:07,162 Well, at least we all stuck together. 291 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,663 Richard: Okay. Look, 292 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,245 all the systems are built. 293 00:13:11,329 --> 00:13:13,954 I mean, screw those guys for leaving. Their loss. 294 00:13:14,037 --> 00:13:15,704 We can still do this without them, right? 295 00:13:15,788 --> 00:13:17,788 No. Unless the three of us 296 00:13:17,871 --> 00:13:21,120 stay up 24 hours a day for three days in a row. Fuck. 297 00:13:21,204 --> 00:13:23,287 Yeah, exactly! Okay. All we need to do is just 298 00:13:23,371 --> 00:13:26,245 find the bug that's stalling us and squash it, 299 00:13:26,329 --> 00:13:28,412 just like these fucking ants. 300 00:13:28,496 --> 00:13:31,663 No sleep for three days straight. 301 00:13:31,746 --> 00:13:32,871 Sweet. 302 00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:38,871 -Dinesh: Is that Gwart? -Oh, no. It's a garbage can. 303 00:13:38,954 --> 00:13:41,704 Dinesh: No, that's Gwart. 304 00:13:42,371 --> 00:13:44,621 Well, she works for YaoNet, 305 00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:46,079 so what is she doing here? 306 00:13:46,162 --> 00:13:49,454 And why does she have access to the staff only area? 307 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,621 Gwart hates Puddle of Mudd. She's a Linkin Park girl. 308 00:13:52,704 --> 00:13:55,204 ♪ ♪ 309 00:14:01,079 --> 00:14:03,245 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 310 00:14:03,329 --> 00:14:06,537 ♪ ♪ 311 00:14:19,704 --> 00:14:22,829 Big Head! What the hell is going on here? 312 00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:25,329 -What do you mean? -Jian-Yang: Who let her in? 313 00:14:25,663 --> 00:14:27,704 I take one lousy shit... 314 00:14:27,788 --> 00:14:30,871 Jian-Yang, what is going on here? 315 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,245 All girls coding camp. 316 00:14:33,329 --> 00:14:35,412 I support woman. 317 00:14:35,496 --> 00:14:38,454 Mr. Eric, I'm finished. 318 00:14:40,954 --> 00:14:44,037 "This diet cream helped my husband lose weight. 319 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,120 He was fat fuck. Now, he not. 320 00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:49,663 Fi star, the end." 321 00:14:49,746 --> 00:14:51,746 I wrote exactly like Mr. Eric told me to. 322 00:14:51,829 --> 00:14:53,995 It's very good, Sophie. 323 00:14:54,079 --> 00:14:55,788 Very good. 324 00:14:57,913 --> 00:14:59,746 You're using underage girls 325 00:14:59,829 --> 00:15:03,079 as slave labor for a fake Amazon review farm? 326 00:15:03,162 --> 00:15:04,162 Yes. 327 00:15:04,245 --> 00:15:06,954 And-And you're using the Pied Piper name? 328 00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:08,412 Yes. 329 00:15:09,954 --> 00:15:11,579 It's okay. 330 00:15:11,663 --> 00:15:12,829 I have money. 331 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:13,871 (scoffs) 332 00:15:13,995 --> 00:15:16,537 Girls! Call your parents. 333 00:15:19,287 --> 00:15:22,496 -Jared: God, that really is her. -Richard: What the fuck? 334 00:15:24,537 --> 00:15:25,913 It's sabotage. 335 00:15:25,995 --> 00:15:28,037 Guys, nobody's eating the peyote. Will you eat the peyote, 336 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,995 and then that'll break the ice and they'll eat the peyote? 337 00:15:31,079 --> 00:15:33,162 What? 338 00:15:33,245 --> 00:15:34,995 You hate the shorts? 339 00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:39,162 You hate the shorts. 340 00:15:40,371 --> 00:15:41,746 Fuck it. 341 00:15:41,829 --> 00:15:44,120 Just look at my fucking legs! 342 00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:46,287 Let's go. Go. 343 00:15:49,329 --> 00:15:51,788 Richard: I knew it! I knew it. 344 00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:53,621 Our network's not slowing down because we fucked up. 345 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,954 It's because YaoNet's here and they are attacking us. 346 00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:57,746 Is SlipSox even a real company? 347 00:15:57,829 --> 00:16:00,663 Incorporated a week ago, no website. 348 00:16:01,829 --> 00:16:03,704 It's a cover. It's YaoNet! 349 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,287 Laurie is somehow fucking with 350 00:16:05,371 --> 00:16:06,663 our routing to slow down the network. 351 00:16:06,746 --> 00:16:08,412 But why would they bother attacking us? 352 00:16:08,496 --> 00:16:10,621 They have the AT&T deal all locked up. 353 00:16:10,704 --> 00:16:12,454 Unless... 354 00:16:12,537 --> 00:16:14,245 they don't. 355 00:16:14,663 --> 00:16:16,496 If she thinks their Hawaii launch might fail, 356 00:16:16,579 --> 00:16:18,412 that would be a reason to try to wipe us out 357 00:16:18,496 --> 00:16:20,079 while they have the chance. 358 00:16:20,162 --> 00:16:23,329 So, if we can stay alive till YaoNet fucks up Hawaii, 359 00:16:23,412 --> 00:16:24,663 we could swoop in. 360 00:16:24,746 --> 00:16:26,287 Like a basketball dunker. 361 00:16:26,371 --> 00:16:28,621 -We're still in this, boys. -Jared: All right. 362 00:16:28,704 --> 00:16:32,245 So, let's boot those meddling bums off of the network. 363 00:16:32,329 --> 00:16:33,704 Enough of this crap! 364 00:16:33,788 --> 00:16:36,412 Yeah. Well, uh, that's impossible 365 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,704 'cause the whole point of a decentralized network 366 00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:42,537 is to prevent a single host from controlling access. 367 00:16:42,621 --> 00:16:44,496 So dictators can't ban dissidents. 368 00:16:44,579 --> 00:16:48,871 Right now, there's no way to kill them or stop them throttling the network. 369 00:16:49,454 --> 00:16:52,204 This is why things are easier in China. 370 00:16:54,954 --> 00:16:57,371 China... 371 00:17:00,037 --> 00:17:03,245 Don't mess with Pied Piper again, you little fucker. 372 00:17:03,329 --> 00:17:06,371 -(phone vibrating) -(sighs) 373 00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:10,245 (sighs) Hello? 374 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:15,162 Jian-Yang! Hey! Hey, uh, what's going on, boss man? (chuckles) 375 00:17:15,245 --> 00:17:18,412 It's, uh, Richard Hendricks, from Pied Piper. 376 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,037 How's it going, dude? 377 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,245 Very bad. 378 00:17:21,329 --> 00:17:24,037 My underage girl slaves all left. 379 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,913 Oh yeah, totally. Bummer. 380 00:17:25,995 --> 00:17:27,287 Well, you'll find them. 381 00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:29,663 Anyway, kind of a silly question, um... 382 00:17:29,746 --> 00:17:32,454 You know how you stole the Pied Piper source code? 383 00:17:32,537 --> 00:17:34,995 -Yes. -Yeah, and then you rewrote it 384 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,537 into what is now YaoNet? 385 00:17:36,621 --> 00:17:38,245 - Yes. -Right, um, 386 00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,704 did the Chinese government, by any chance, 387 00:17:40,788 --> 00:17:42,621 require you to add a back door? 388 00:17:42,704 --> 00:17:45,204 Yes, I have a SSH key in my house, 389 00:17:45,287 --> 00:17:48,995 - written down. -Cool! Wow! Uh... (chuckles) 390 00:17:49,412 --> 00:17:51,371 I don't suppose I could get that from you. 391 00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:54,412 Uh, it's just that Pied Piper's in kind of a jam. 392 00:17:55,579 --> 00:17:58,204 Yes. Pied Piper... 393 00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:02,162 Your white witch just shut down my business. 394 00:18:02,954 --> 00:18:05,120 -(beeps) -Oh. Okay. 395 00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:09,037 So? 396 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,037 (phone vibrating) 397 00:18:15,871 --> 00:18:17,663 Hey, Richard, what's up? 398 00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:21,704 ♪ ♪ 399 00:18:22,537 --> 00:18:24,329 (sighs) Fuck. 400 00:18:25,329 --> 00:18:26,746 Jian-Yang, please. 401 00:18:26,829 --> 00:18:28,621 -(Simon game beeping) -Monica, 402 00:18:28,704 --> 00:18:32,829 for the last five years, you have been horrible. 403 00:18:33,663 --> 00:18:35,371 You never smile. 404 00:18:36,037 --> 00:18:37,537 You never kiss me. 405 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:41,162 I'll never give you anything you want. 406 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,496 I hate you. 407 00:18:43,579 --> 00:18:45,995 Jian-Yang, I need that key. 408 00:18:47,037 --> 00:18:48,204 This key? 409 00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:52,746 Okay, let's... let's just be reasonable. 410 00:18:53,788 --> 00:18:55,162 -Gimme it! -Shit! 411 00:18:55,245 --> 00:18:57,496 Come on! Fuck! 412 00:18:57,579 --> 00:18:59,829 (both grunting) 413 00:19:00,329 --> 00:19:02,496 -No! Stop! -Oh. 414 00:19:04,579 --> 00:19:06,162 (grunts) 415 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,037 Oh my God! 416 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:09,371 Yikes. 417 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:17,454 You and I, we could've run this town, 418 00:19:17,537 --> 00:19:19,954 but you blew it, mister. 419 00:19:20,037 --> 00:19:23,371 (Simon game beeping) 420 00:19:25,496 --> 00:19:28,371 (singsongy): A, four, six, capital G, 421 00:19:28,454 --> 00:19:32,329 two, nine, lowercase J, four, three-- 422 00:19:32,412 --> 00:19:34,913 Wait, wait, wait. Wha-what are you singing? 423 00:19:34,995 --> 00:19:36,746 Is-Is that the key? 424 00:19:36,829 --> 00:19:39,871 Key? No. That's just the letters and numbers 425 00:19:39,954 --> 00:19:42,496 that were on that little sheet of paper that Jian-Yang swallowed. 426 00:19:42,579 --> 00:19:45,788 Yeah, for some reason, stuff's really like sticking in my head these days. 427 00:19:45,871 --> 00:19:48,245 Wait. Big Head, Richard needs those letters and numbers. 428 00:19:48,329 --> 00:19:49,913 Can-can you sing it again? 429 00:19:49,995 --> 00:19:51,579 Uh, sure. Yeah. 430 00:19:51,663 --> 00:19:53,496 -(game beeping) -(singsongy): A, four, six, 431 00:19:53,579 --> 00:19:56,371 capital G, two, nine, lowercase J-- 432 00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:58,496 Wait, do you wanna maybe call Richard first, 433 00:19:58,579 --> 00:19:59,829 and then I could sing it? 434 00:19:59,913 --> 00:20:01,913 Holy shit! Yes! Thank you! 435 00:20:01,995 --> 00:20:04,913 Richard (singsongy): Capital M, capital R... 436 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,079 that's it? 437 00:20:08,829 --> 00:20:10,579 (laughing): Okay! 438 00:20:10,663 --> 00:20:12,537 Yeah, we're in! It worked! 439 00:20:12,621 --> 00:20:15,412 Thank you. Uh, thanks, guys. Thanks, Big Head. 440 00:20:16,371 --> 00:20:18,412 All right, YaoNet, SlipSox, 441 00:20:18,496 --> 00:20:21,788 whoever the fuck you are, you think you can fuck with us? 442 00:20:23,496 --> 00:20:24,954 -They hung up. -Oh. 443 00:20:25,037 --> 00:20:26,245 Yeah. 444 00:20:27,579 --> 00:20:30,371 -Wait, what the fuck is this? -Dinesh: This is YaoNet's server? 445 00:20:30,454 --> 00:20:32,704 Fuck. It's a honeypot. 446 00:20:32,788 --> 00:20:34,120 What, is that a good thing? 447 00:20:34,204 --> 00:20:37,496 No. It's not. Run the "file" command. 448 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,579 It's basically a bullshit shell in case 449 00:20:39,663 --> 00:20:41,204 the Chinese government actually used the key. 450 00:20:41,287 --> 00:20:42,913 It's like a fake storefront. 451 00:20:42,995 --> 00:20:45,204 Okay, so they have to be running SSH on a different port. 452 00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:46,704 How do we find the real one? 453 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,704 We could N-map it to check every single one, 454 00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:50,829 but that would take forever. 455 00:20:52,454 --> 00:20:55,120 Okay. Fuck. Well, 456 00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:57,204 somehow, we have to find the correct port number. 457 00:20:57,287 --> 00:21:00,037 Wait, what time is it? 458 00:21:06,162 --> 00:21:07,913 One large artichoke, 459 00:21:07,995 --> 00:21:10,162 extra rare, cup of mayonnaise. 460 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:14,329 I see you still take your snack at 3:17. 461 00:21:17,329 --> 00:21:18,995 I know that SlipSox is YaoNet, 462 00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:21,079 and that you've infiltrated Pied Piper, 463 00:21:21,162 --> 00:21:24,746 and I know that you're here, working with Laurie Bream. 464 00:21:24,829 --> 00:21:26,788 No, let me finish. 465 00:21:26,871 --> 00:21:29,871 We didn't end on the best of terms, but... 466 00:21:29,954 --> 00:21:31,412 when we were together, I feel like 467 00:21:31,496 --> 00:21:35,037 I really saw you, the real you. 468 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,037 I saw you, Gwart! I know you! 469 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,120 No, let me finish. I have to say this 470 00:21:40,204 --> 00:21:41,746 or I'm never gonna get it out. 471 00:21:41,829 --> 00:21:45,412 Now, I wish I was asking you to go for a walk with me 472 00:21:45,496 --> 00:21:48,204 or to watch Magic Mike XL for the umpteenth time, 473 00:21:48,287 --> 00:21:50,829 but I'm asking you to give us access to YaoNet, 474 00:21:50,913 --> 00:21:53,204 and not just to save my company, 475 00:21:53,287 --> 00:21:55,204 but to save my sanity. 476 00:21:56,204 --> 00:21:59,995 Because if I was wrong about who you are, 477 00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:02,829 then I don't know who I am. 478 00:22:05,371 --> 00:22:07,454 So there you have it. 479 00:22:07,537 --> 00:22:11,037 I've said all I gotta say, and... 480 00:22:12,037 --> 00:22:14,079 it's up to you now. 481 00:22:25,913 --> 00:22:28,162 I see. So, 482 00:22:28,245 --> 00:22:32,079 Pied Piper's network capacity is degrading steadily. 483 00:22:32,162 --> 00:22:34,037 Hmm, wonderful. 484 00:22:35,371 --> 00:22:38,704 And their adaptive routing optimization techniques 485 00:22:38,788 --> 00:22:41,079 aren't helping them. 486 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,496 Hey, guys. Um, I'm so sorry-- 487 00:23:00,579 --> 00:23:03,371 I don't know what you did, but it worked. 488 00:23:03,454 --> 00:23:06,204 -Jared: What? -Someone just messaged us 489 00:23:06,287 --> 00:23:07,871 the correct port 490 00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:09,829 -to YaoNet's ad server. -Yeah! 491 00:23:09,913 --> 00:23:11,454 -(Richard chuckling) -Really? 492 00:23:11,537 --> 00:23:13,371 Yep. Gilfoyle revoked all their access, 493 00:23:13,454 --> 00:23:16,120 and is removing their app from every client on PiperNet. 494 00:23:16,204 --> 00:23:18,704 Richard: In a couple of minutes, we'll be back up to speed. 495 00:23:18,788 --> 00:23:21,704 Plus, we cloned their repository, 496 00:23:21,788 --> 00:23:24,204 so we'll just poke around 497 00:23:24,287 --> 00:23:26,537 and see exactly what they're hiding! 498 00:23:26,621 --> 00:23:28,704 It's a big win for the Piper boys. 499 00:23:28,788 --> 00:23:30,537 (chuckles) So, Gilfoyle, 500 00:23:30,621 --> 00:23:32,162 how much faster is our network now? 501 00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:34,496 Zero faster. It's slower, 502 00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:37,329 -and still degrading. -What are you talking about? 503 00:23:37,412 --> 00:23:40,371 About how our network is slower and still degrading. 504 00:23:40,454 --> 00:23:42,371 We're currently at 60%. 505 00:23:43,162 --> 00:23:44,746 But that's not possible. 506 00:23:44,829 --> 00:23:46,037 Our network's shit latency 507 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,454 is slowing down every single purchase. 508 00:23:47,537 --> 00:23:49,245 (angry chattering) 509 00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:50,371 Look at the bathrooms. 510 00:23:50,454 --> 00:23:52,829 The scanner's aren't working. 511 00:23:52,913 --> 00:23:55,079 Richard: Fucking Russ and his pay toilets. 512 00:23:55,162 --> 00:23:58,162 Okay, we gotta figure this out or there's gonna be a riot. 513 00:24:00,704 --> 00:24:02,037 There you assholes are! 514 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,245 You guys fucking with me? Did you get my messages? 515 00:24:04,329 --> 00:24:05,496 Uh... 516 00:24:06,329 --> 00:24:07,579 Messaging's stalling, too. 517 00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:10,371 I sent you guys photos of three different outfits. 518 00:24:10,454 --> 00:24:12,287 Did you hate them all? Wha... 519 00:24:12,371 --> 00:24:13,496 What's wrong? 520 00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:16,496 Uh, no. Definitely the second one. 521 00:24:16,579 --> 00:24:17,954 -I like the second one. -You really think 522 00:24:18,037 --> 00:24:20,621 a white guy can wear that and get away with it? 523 00:24:20,704 --> 00:24:22,496 -Gilfoyle: Definitely. -Dinesh: No. 524 00:24:22,579 --> 00:24:24,287 You know what? You're right. 525 00:24:24,371 --> 00:24:26,120 Fuck political correctness. 526 00:24:26,204 --> 00:24:29,329 I'm looking at four guys that fuck! 527 00:24:30,579 --> 00:24:32,120 Okay, let's rerun the diagnostics. 528 00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:33,871 Maybe we missed something. 529 00:24:33,954 --> 00:24:36,412 (Laurie speaking indistinctly) 530 00:24:36,496 --> 00:24:37,621 Laurie! 531 00:24:37,704 --> 00:24:40,204 Richard: Laurie Bream! Well, well, well. 532 00:24:40,287 --> 00:24:43,204 -Fleeing the scene of the crime? -Crime? 533 00:24:43,663 --> 00:24:46,204 You can't win. Your network is garbage. 534 00:24:46,287 --> 00:24:49,204 And maybe, if you save us some time by telling us 535 00:24:49,287 --> 00:24:51,371 how you're slowing down our network, 536 00:24:51,454 --> 00:24:52,829 I won't go to the police. 537 00:24:52,913 --> 00:24:56,287 Slowing down your network? That would be "un-tethical." 538 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:57,871 -Why would I... -(scoffs) 539 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,245 Oh. Richard... 540 00:25:02,412 --> 00:25:04,037 You do not know. 541 00:25:04,913 --> 00:25:06,287 Know what? 542 00:25:06,371 --> 00:25:07,663 As you correctly surmised, 543 00:25:07,746 --> 00:25:10,704 YaoNet doesn't work. It does not scale. 544 00:25:10,788 --> 00:25:12,329 -Ha! -However, we did not 545 00:25:12,412 --> 00:25:15,162 come here to attack you, simply to observe you, 546 00:25:15,245 --> 00:25:16,788 spy on you, if you wish, 547 00:25:16,871 --> 00:25:19,245 in order to see how you got PiperNet to work, 548 00:25:19,329 --> 00:25:21,287 which, it turns out, you did not. 549 00:25:21,371 --> 00:25:22,746 Uh, what? (scoffs) 550 00:25:22,829 --> 00:25:26,245 Your compression is inadequate in the face of bottlenecks 551 00:25:26,329 --> 00:25:28,663 that emerge between node-cluster edges. 552 00:25:28,746 --> 00:25:31,162 Pied Piper does not scale. 553 00:25:31,621 --> 00:25:34,245 It is as impracticable as YaoNet. 554 00:25:35,412 --> 00:25:37,412 -Fuck. -Laurie: Ah, yes. 555 00:25:37,496 --> 00:25:39,371 That can't be right. 556 00:25:39,454 --> 00:25:41,204 Laurie: And yet it is. 557 00:25:41,287 --> 00:25:44,579 I wish we had plagiarized more functional code, 558 00:25:44,663 --> 00:25:47,579 and yet it is this technology that AT&T has purchased, 559 00:25:47,663 --> 00:25:48,704 functional or no. 560 00:25:48,788 --> 00:25:50,871 And with Maximo's sufficient funding, 561 00:25:50,954 --> 00:25:52,871 we will certainly be able to weather the storm 562 00:25:52,954 --> 00:25:54,871 until we reach launch, at which time 563 00:25:54,954 --> 00:25:58,829 it seems likely that AT&T may deem our business a failure. 564 00:25:58,913 --> 00:26:01,204 However, at this point, I will have already made 565 00:26:01,287 --> 00:26:03,995 many multiples on my initial investment. 566 00:26:04,663 --> 00:26:07,954 Ah, I cannot speak to your backup plan. 567 00:26:08,454 --> 00:26:10,079 Hmm, yes. 568 00:26:10,663 --> 00:26:12,621 Good day, gentlemen. 569 00:26:21,829 --> 00:26:24,537 Well, she's just a hater, and, no disrespect, 570 00:26:24,621 --> 00:26:26,704 -but she can eat shit. -Dinesh: Yeah, 571 00:26:26,788 --> 00:26:28,120 obviously. 572 00:26:28,204 --> 00:26:30,663 We have to be able to figure something out. 573 00:26:30,746 --> 00:26:32,496 You'll think of something, right? 574 00:26:33,079 --> 00:26:34,454 Richard? 575 00:26:37,454 --> 00:26:39,829 Six fucking years! 576 00:26:39,913 --> 00:26:42,995 Six years... we've wasted! 577 00:26:43,079 --> 00:26:45,663 Building this worthless piece of shit! 578 00:26:45,746 --> 00:26:47,746 Are fucking kidding me?! 579 00:26:47,829 --> 00:26:49,663 (panting) 580 00:26:49,746 --> 00:26:53,037 I'm fine. I just gotta go to the bathroom. 581 00:26:53,579 --> 00:26:56,329 I don't think he thought of anything. 582 00:26:56,412 --> 00:26:58,120 (crowd chattering) 583 00:26:58,204 --> 00:27:00,371 -Yeah! (laughs) -(music playing) 584 00:27:00,454 --> 00:27:03,913 Go with option one, and I'm not gonna feel shitty about it. 585 00:27:03,995 --> 00:27:05,704 Right? 586 00:27:07,454 --> 00:27:08,704 Fuck me. 587 00:27:09,079 --> 00:27:11,995 Dinesh: Hey guys, Richard's been locked in there for three hours. 588 00:27:12,079 --> 00:27:14,037 Should we kick down the door? 589 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:17,037 No, let's honor him with some space. 590 00:27:17,412 --> 00:27:19,120 I'll wait for him to fall asleep, and then I'll-- 591 00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:20,913 I'll lower myself down through the vent. 592 00:27:20,995 --> 00:27:22,621 -(burps) -Dinesh: Would it be a dick move 593 00:27:22,704 --> 00:27:25,537 to ask him for his keys and then we drive home? 594 00:27:25,621 --> 00:27:28,287 Well, he'd be abandoned here... 595 00:27:28,371 --> 00:27:29,954 Holy shit. 596 00:27:30,037 --> 00:27:31,454 That's fantastic. 597 00:27:31,537 --> 00:27:34,245 -What the... fuck? -(drones buzzing) 598 00:27:35,954 --> 00:27:37,579 Hey, you guys? 599 00:27:38,454 --> 00:27:40,663 I did something. 600 00:27:40,746 --> 00:27:42,995 All right, so, I was, uh, 601 00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:45,245 fiddling around on Gilfoyle's laptop, 602 00:27:45,329 --> 00:27:47,162 and I was looking down, 603 00:27:47,245 --> 00:27:49,871 and then I realized that the solution was 604 00:27:49,954 --> 00:27:51,829 staring at me right in the face. 605 00:27:51,913 --> 00:27:52,995 Ants. 606 00:27:53,079 --> 00:27:54,329 It occurred to me 607 00:27:54,412 --> 00:27:57,454 that our network is kind of like a series of paths, 608 00:27:57,537 --> 00:28:00,871 much like the trails ants use in order to forage for food. 609 00:28:00,954 --> 00:28:05,621 But then, I thought that we don't need better paths. 610 00:28:05,704 --> 00:28:08,621 We need better ants. You see? 611 00:28:08,704 --> 00:28:12,454 -Fuck gradient descent. -What? 612 00:28:12,537 --> 00:28:16,871 I don't need to use Gilfoyle's AI in order to improve middle-out. 613 00:28:16,954 --> 00:28:21,079 I need to use middle-out to create a new AI. 614 00:28:21,621 --> 00:28:26,788 A symbolic AI. And now, it is teaching itself 615 00:28:26,871 --> 00:28:29,120 how to optimize. 616 00:28:29,204 --> 00:28:32,496 So, you fucked around with Son of Anton's brain, 617 00:28:32,579 --> 00:28:34,995 and then gave him access 618 00:28:35,079 --> 00:28:37,871 to our entire network infrastructure, 619 00:28:37,954 --> 00:28:39,746 -while it's still running? -Yes. 620 00:28:39,829 --> 00:28:42,287 Richard, that's like asking a robot to change your tire 621 00:28:42,371 --> 00:28:44,329 while you're driving on the freeway! 622 00:28:44,412 --> 00:28:45,537 Hold this. 623 00:28:45,621 --> 00:28:47,120 Gimme. 624 00:28:47,204 --> 00:28:48,371 See, go. 625 00:28:48,454 --> 00:28:49,954 This isn't my computer. 626 00:28:50,037 --> 00:28:51,913 -It's not? -Gilfoyle: No. 627 00:28:52,496 --> 00:28:56,329 And what the fuck is Son of Anton version 2.0? 628 00:28:56,412 --> 00:28:58,287 What? 629 00:29:00,704 --> 00:29:02,287 -Huh. -You were fucking around 630 00:29:02,371 --> 00:29:04,371 with Son of Anton's brain before him? 631 00:29:04,454 --> 00:29:06,663 -Fuck. -I have good ideas. 632 00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:09,537 -(explosions) -(crowd screaming) 633 00:29:09,621 --> 00:29:12,704 ♪ ♪ 634 00:29:17,913 --> 00:29:19,329 Sweet mother of God. 635 00:29:19,412 --> 00:29:20,746 Dinesh: This is not my fault. 636 00:29:20,829 --> 00:29:22,621 I barely touched Gilfoyle's AI. 637 00:29:22,704 --> 00:29:24,995 -(explosions) -Richard: What's it doing? 638 00:29:25,079 --> 00:29:28,287 Gilfoyle: I have no idea. I told you, it's a fucking black box, Richard. 639 00:29:28,371 --> 00:29:30,079 Richard: Do you think there's gonna be a riot? 640 00:29:30,162 --> 00:29:32,788 Dinesh: Oh, I'm sure 20,000 coked-up douchebags will be very civil 641 00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:34,537 when they can't get food or water. 642 00:29:34,621 --> 00:29:36,913 Gilfoyle: Holy shit, look at the hologram. 643 00:29:36,995 --> 00:29:38,995 Richard: Oh my God. 644 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:42,871 Whoa. 645 00:29:42,954 --> 00:29:45,829 (panicked chattering) 646 00:29:47,788 --> 00:29:50,204 (buzzing, crackling) 647 00:29:51,037 --> 00:29:52,913 -(woman screams) -(car alarm blares) 648 00:29:52,995 --> 00:29:55,037 Shit. 649 00:29:55,537 --> 00:29:57,579 -What did we do? -We? 650 00:29:58,245 --> 00:29:59,579 Dinesh: Is it dead? 651 00:29:59,663 --> 00:30:02,621 -Am I going to jail? -Hey. 652 00:30:02,704 --> 00:30:04,162 I can train you. 653 00:30:04,245 --> 00:30:05,954 Russ: Hey, fuckers. 654 00:30:06,037 --> 00:30:09,371 Popped a couple of Xanax and then choked it in the trailer. 655 00:30:09,454 --> 00:30:12,245 Feeling much better. Went with outfit number three, 656 00:30:12,329 --> 00:30:14,037 black jacquard. 657 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,120 Why is it so dark? 658 00:30:15,204 --> 00:30:16,412 Um, well... 659 00:30:16,496 --> 00:30:17,871 Lights! 660 00:30:19,079 --> 00:30:21,704 (lights clacking) 661 00:30:22,245 --> 00:30:24,621 Russ: Sweet! Voice command? That is fucking awesome. 662 00:30:24,704 --> 00:30:26,663 You guys are smart. 663 00:30:26,746 --> 00:30:31,079 (vocalizing): Voice command! 664 00:30:32,079 --> 00:30:33,954 What just happened? 665 00:30:34,037 --> 00:30:35,829 Did it work? What... What just happened? 666 00:30:35,913 --> 00:30:37,412 Gilfoyle: Holy shit. 667 00:30:37,496 --> 00:30:38,913 Jared: Wait, is that right? 668 00:30:39,412 --> 00:30:41,954 It's at... 145%? 669 00:30:42,037 --> 00:30:44,746 Now 160%. Okay, how is this possible? 670 00:30:44,829 --> 00:30:47,412 Our network overhead must've massively shrunk. 671 00:30:47,496 --> 00:30:49,329 It's insane. 672 00:30:49,412 --> 00:30:51,537 Oh my God. Okay... 673 00:30:51,621 --> 00:30:53,120 My middle-out, 674 00:30:53,204 --> 00:30:54,829 Gilfoyle's AI, whatever the fuck Dinesh 675 00:30:54,913 --> 00:30:57,995 -did to Gilfoyle's AI-- -I basically rewrote the entire thing. 676 00:30:58,079 --> 00:30:59,995 You guys, 677 00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:01,954 it worked. It-It-It happened. 678 00:31:02,037 --> 00:31:04,287 -We-we-we did it. We-we-we won. -Dinesh: It worked? 679 00:31:04,371 --> 00:31:06,496 -Ah! We did it! -Richard: Yeah! 680 00:31:06,579 --> 00:31:08,079 -Ah! -You... 681 00:31:08,162 --> 00:31:10,162 are like the three musketeers of coding, 682 00:31:10,245 --> 00:31:12,162 except you are all d'Artagnan. 683 00:31:12,245 --> 00:31:14,871 -(laughing) -(hologram humming) 684 00:31:14,954 --> 00:31:16,788 -Richard: Wait, wait. -Gilfoyle: What? 685 00:31:16,871 --> 00:31:18,412 Richard: What the fuck is going on? 686 00:31:18,496 --> 00:31:20,037 Dinesh: He's growing! 687 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,454 ♪ ♪ 688 00:31:22,954 --> 00:31:24,621 Gilfoyle: It's beautiful. 689 00:31:25,079 --> 00:31:27,245 Eat a dick, David Copperfield! 690 00:31:28,788 --> 00:31:30,913 Pilot (over PA): We hope you've enjoyed your flight 691 00:31:30,995 --> 00:31:33,120 from Maui to San Francisco this evening. 692 00:31:33,204 --> 00:31:34,704 Out of the right side of the aircraft, 693 00:31:34,788 --> 00:31:36,371 you can see the lights of Las Vegas. 694 00:31:36,454 --> 00:31:38,746 And out of the left side, you can see... 695 00:31:39,579 --> 00:31:42,287 I don't know what that is. 696 00:31:43,287 --> 00:31:45,454 (computer chimes) 697 00:31:50,788 --> 00:31:54,704 ("Champipple" by John Popper & The Duskray Troubadours plays) 698 00:31:54,788 --> 00:31:57,788 ♪ Let's drink some champipple, baby ♪ 699 00:31:57,871 --> 00:32:01,079 ♪ 'Cause it's almost free ♪ 700 00:32:01,162 --> 00:32:05,037 ♪ Champipple, baby, till dawn ♪ 701 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,871 ♪ You've got no pressing engagements ♪ 702 00:32:07,954 --> 00:32:11,245 ♪ Won't you sit down by me and drink some ♪ 703 00:32:11,329 --> 00:32:16,537 ♪ Champipple, baby, till the champipple's gone ♪ 704 00:32:16,621 --> 00:32:18,746 ♪ Penny for penny ♪ 705 00:32:18,829 --> 00:32:20,788 ♪ Pound for pound ♪ 706 00:32:20,871 --> 00:32:23,621 ♪ If you're getting up ♪ 707 00:32:23,704 --> 00:32:26,746 ♪ For getting down ♪ 708 00:32:26,829 --> 00:32:28,746 ♪ Bottle for bottle ♪ 709 00:32:28,829 --> 00:32:31,245 ♪ Sip by sip ♪ 710 00:32:31,329 --> 00:32:33,245 ♪ It tastes even better ♪ 711 00:32:33,329 --> 00:32:36,954 ♪ When it's on your lips ♪ 712 00:32:37,037 --> 00:32:40,162 ♪ ♪ 713 00:33:02,371 --> 00:33:03,704 Pied Piper can help scientists cure cancer. 714 00:33:03,913 --> 00:33:06,287 -And cancer is bad. -Cancer fucking sucks. 715 00:33:06,371 --> 00:33:08,788 "Hey, I'd like some cancer, please." No. 716 00:33:09,621 --> 00:33:13,204 We built the single, greatest network ever in the world. 717 00:33:13,287 --> 00:33:16,788 I would like you to give me free shares of Pied Piper. 718 00:33:16,871 --> 00:33:18,913 You had plenty of opportunity to invest. 719 00:33:19,204 --> 00:33:20,412 Yeah, you could buy a Piper coin. 720 00:33:20,496 --> 00:33:22,788 Monica, two men are talking of business. 721 00:33:22,871 --> 00:33:25,454 You can find your broom and fly away. 722 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,995 Gilfoyle is willing to destroy everything 723 00:33:28,079 --> 00:33:29,913 we've built just to prevent me from having money. 724 00:33:29,995 --> 00:33:32,496 Your entire life has prepared you to publicly fail. 725 00:33:32,913 --> 00:33:35,079 You're just failing to see that right now. 726 00:33:35,162 --> 00:33:35,995 Don't insult me, 727 00:33:36,204 --> 00:33:37,995 I can fail circles around you losers. 728 00:33:38,079 --> 00:33:39,913 ♪ (ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 729 00:33:41,496 --> 00:33:43,079 (SCREAMS) 730 00:33:43,704 --> 00:33:46,079 Is this a good thing or a bad thing? 731 00:33:46,621 --> 00:33:47,871 Someone tell me how to feel. 732 00:33:49,913 --> 00:33:51,579 Jared, bolt the doors. 733 00:33:51,663 --> 00:33:54,454 -What's in the bag? -Clif Bars and a gun. 734 00:33:55,412 --> 00:33:57,454 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪