1 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,130 Money just... perverts everything. 2 00:00:08,214 --> 00:00:10,714 At this point, I could stand to be a little perverted. 3 00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:12,422 Yeah, I wanna be a lot perverted. 4 00:00:12,923 --> 00:00:16,339 We'll be profitable and up 5X inside three years. 5 00:00:16,422 --> 00:00:18,589 -You've got three months. -(YELLS) 6 00:00:19,798 --> 00:00:21,923 -What is this? -My resignation letter. 7 00:00:22,005 --> 00:00:23,255 Laurie, what are you doing here? 8 00:00:23,339 --> 00:00:25,631 I've made myself the CEO of the OwlNet. 9 00:00:25,714 --> 00:00:26,756 This is who you're walking away for? 10 00:00:26,839 --> 00:00:28,923 -This... George R.R.-- -No, no, no. No! 11 00:00:29,214 --> 00:00:31,547 -Oh my god! -You did this, Richard! 12 00:00:32,589 --> 00:00:34,381 Cheers to our future endeavors together. 13 00:00:34,714 --> 00:00:38,381 -(THUDS, SPLASHES) -We will not mine user data. 14 00:00:38,798 --> 00:00:39,964 I was very clear about that. 15 00:00:40,047 --> 00:00:41,589 If you do not take my money, Richard... 16 00:00:42,047 --> 00:00:45,130 -it will be very bad for you. -(THUDS, SPLASHES) 17 00:00:52,005 --> 00:00:54,756 ♪ ♪ 18 00:00:59,172 --> 00:01:00,547 (sighs) 19 00:01:00,631 --> 00:01:02,923 -A billion dollars? -Yes. 20 00:01:03,005 --> 00:01:08,255 A man offered us a billion dollars, 21 00:01:08,339 --> 00:01:10,464 and you said no? 22 00:01:10,547 --> 00:01:12,297 A very bad man, and he would've turned us 23 00:01:12,381 --> 00:01:14,130 into the worst possible version of ourselves. 24 00:01:14,214 --> 00:01:16,047 I mean, you can't put a price on ethics. 25 00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:18,130 Gilfoyle: But it seems you just did. 26 00:01:18,214 --> 00:01:20,214 One billion dollars. 27 00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:23,422 Monica... (scoffs) you were okay with this? 28 00:01:24,506 --> 00:01:25,631 Y-Yes? 29 00:01:26,589 --> 00:01:28,130 Richard, 30 00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:31,214 do you remember when you turned down $10 million from Gavin Belson? 31 00:01:31,297 --> 00:01:35,130 Did that start some sick addiction to turning down money? 32 00:01:35,214 --> 00:01:39,381 Are you just chasing that dragon, you sick junkie fuck?! 33 00:01:39,464 --> 00:01:42,130 Now, Dinesh, look, if I'd taken that 10 million, 34 00:01:42,214 --> 00:01:45,089 you wouldn't own two and a half percent of everything we've built here! 35 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:48,631 Two and a half percent of a billion dollars is $25 million! 36 00:01:48,714 --> 00:01:51,297 Yes, but, actually, the billion dollars 37 00:01:51,381 --> 00:01:53,297 was to own ten percent of the company. 38 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:56,089 So, not to split hairs, you would, uh, technically, 39 00:01:56,172 --> 00:01:58,214 be worth... 250 million. 40 00:01:58,297 --> 00:01:59,881 -Fuck! -Huh. 41 00:01:59,964 --> 00:02:02,047 At an interest rate of 3.65 percent, 42 00:02:02,130 --> 00:02:04,422 leaving a billion dollars in the bank would get you 43 00:02:04,506 --> 00:02:06,297 $36.5 million a year. 44 00:02:06,381 --> 00:02:08,589 That's a hundred grand a day. That's... 45 00:02:08,673 --> 00:02:11,589 -Sixty-nine dollars a minute. -Sixty-nine dollars a minute! 46 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,714 Think about all the gold chain 47 00:02:13,798 --> 00:02:15,297 you could've bought with that money. 48 00:02:15,381 --> 00:02:16,798 I actually don't think... 49 00:02:16,881 --> 00:02:19,547 that interest rate is accurate because... 50 00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:22,297 -even a 30-year T-bill is only-- -Two-point-nine percent. 51 00:02:22,381 --> 00:02:23,923 -Two-point-nine. -Dinesh: All your blathering 52 00:02:24,005 --> 00:02:26,047 just now would've made us $2.32. 53 00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:28,005 Again, I-I don't think that's right because, 54 00:02:28,089 --> 00:02:31,547 assuming an APR of three, I cost us well under two dollars, 55 00:02:31,631 --> 00:02:34,839 -so it's not even... -(phone buzzing) 56 00:02:34,923 --> 00:02:37,047 Um, sorry, uh... 57 00:02:39,422 --> 00:02:41,089 -Hello? -Maximo (over phone): Richard! 58 00:02:41,172 --> 00:02:42,631 It's Maximo. (laughs) 59 00:02:42,714 --> 00:02:44,589 We are on the phone. How are you? 60 00:02:44,673 --> 00:02:46,422 Yeah, I know. (clears throat) I'm fine. 61 00:02:46,506 --> 00:02:48,839 We were just talking about you, myself and Colin. 62 00:02:48,923 --> 00:02:50,381 -Colin? -Oh, yes. 63 00:02:50,464 --> 00:02:52,214 Colin is here. 64 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,172 He is making the peace sign to you. 65 00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:56,631 Now, you remember how you refused to take my money? 66 00:02:56,714 --> 00:02:59,547 Well, Colin, he did take my money. So, 67 00:02:59,631 --> 00:03:01,005 now he is leaving your network. 68 00:03:01,089 --> 00:03:02,422 Wait, to go where? 69 00:03:02,506 --> 00:03:04,756 Oh, to the network run by new friend, Laurie Bream. 70 00:03:04,839 --> 00:03:07,339 Now, you remember when I said if you did not take my money, 71 00:03:07,422 --> 00:03:09,464 it would be very bad for you? 72 00:03:09,547 --> 00:03:12,714 Well, let me tell you what is going to happen to you next. 73 00:03:12,798 --> 00:03:14,839 Which was too, too, too much for her, 74 00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:17,839 so she went down 51st Street to see Dr. X, 75 00:03:17,923 --> 00:03:20,172 who gave her eight pills, which left her... 76 00:03:20,255 --> 00:03:21,714 All: Boobless. 77 00:03:21,798 --> 00:03:23,506 (vomits) 78 00:03:23,589 --> 00:03:26,756 (theme song playing) 79 00:03:35,589 --> 00:03:38,381 -So, Colin's out. -Yes. 80 00:03:38,464 --> 00:03:40,756 So, our profits are... zero. 81 00:03:40,839 --> 00:03:44,464 It's worse than that. Maximo has bought all of Laurie's Pied Piper shares, 82 00:03:44,547 --> 00:03:47,089 as well as all the shares of Big Head's dad. 83 00:03:47,172 --> 00:03:48,964 He now owns 30 percent of the company. 84 00:03:49,047 --> 00:03:51,047 So, the only way we can raise money to stay alive 85 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,172 is by selling shares, but the second we do that... 86 00:03:53,255 --> 00:03:54,381 Maximo buys them. 87 00:03:54,464 --> 00:03:56,381 Yeah, and when he gets a majority stake, 88 00:03:56,464 --> 00:03:58,714 he can do whatever he wants. 89 00:03:58,798 --> 00:04:00,881 Shut us down, fire all of us, 90 00:04:00,964 --> 00:04:03,923 -take our IP to Laurie to use on her network. -He's starving us out. 91 00:04:04,005 --> 00:04:06,631 -How long can we survive? -Gilfoyle: Well, 92 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:10,464 the Siege of Candia lasted 21 years. 93 00:04:10,923 --> 00:04:13,297 Oh. Well, that's something. 94 00:04:13,381 --> 00:04:15,381 It ended in 1669, 95 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,714 when the Ottoman soldiers were infected with plague 96 00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:19,464 after being attacked with the liquid 97 00:04:19,547 --> 00:04:21,964 from the spleens and buboes of the dead. 98 00:04:22,047 --> 00:04:23,130 What's a bubo? 99 00:04:23,214 --> 00:04:25,506 Plague-infested lymph nodes. 100 00:04:25,589 --> 00:04:28,214 So, they would, like, scoop them out and throw them at people? 101 00:04:28,297 --> 00:04:31,255 Fuck! (grunts) Fuck. 102 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:35,130 Richard, did you just try to punch the wall and miss? 103 00:04:35,214 --> 00:04:37,297 (clears throat) Nope. I clipped it. I got it. 104 00:04:37,381 --> 00:04:39,172 Sort of like that. 105 00:04:39,255 --> 00:04:40,464 I see. So, 106 00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,756 until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault, 107 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:44,756 I-I technically can't turn myself in for it? 108 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:46,172 That is correct. 109 00:04:46,255 --> 00:04:47,756 And what about a restraining order? 110 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,589 Can I-I take one out against myself on his behalf? 111 00:04:50,673 --> 00:04:52,047 Cop: No. 112 00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:55,172 What if I threaten you guys? Just hear me out... 113 00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:59,964 Fucking pigs. I-I hope that you get cheated out of your overtime. 114 00:05:00,047 --> 00:05:01,798 How about that, dickless? 115 00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:03,839 Maybe you could just try calling the guy? 116 00:05:05,714 --> 00:05:07,631 Why were you talking to the police? 117 00:05:07,714 --> 00:05:09,881 Oh, it was just a personal issue. 118 00:05:10,381 --> 00:05:12,047 You should not bring them here. 119 00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:15,047 Fuck the police. 120 00:05:15,547 --> 00:05:19,047 Jian-Yang, you're not doing anything illegal here, are you? 121 00:05:20,297 --> 00:05:21,381 Yes. 122 00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:25,673 Where is everyone? 123 00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,214 -(shouting in Chinese) -(clapping) 124 00:05:28,297 --> 00:05:31,422 ♪ ♪ 125 00:05:31,506 --> 00:05:33,589 (murmuring) 126 00:05:35,881 --> 00:05:38,798 Jared is bringing chaos to the house, 127 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,214 and chaos is bad for our business. 128 00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:44,130 Yeah. What is our business? 129 00:05:44,798 --> 00:05:49,005 I told you, it's a better for both of us if you do not know. 130 00:05:49,089 --> 00:05:50,589 Oh, right. Yeah. 131 00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:52,589 We need to get rid of Gwart. 132 00:05:53,005 --> 00:05:55,297 It's the only way to get rid of Jared. 133 00:05:55,381 --> 00:05:57,172 (chuckles) Gwart. 134 00:05:57,255 --> 00:05:58,381 Yes. 135 00:05:58,464 --> 00:06:01,589 ♪ ♪ 136 00:06:02,798 --> 00:06:04,089 Richard? 137 00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:07,964 -Gavin. -You look like shit. 138 00:06:08,047 --> 00:06:09,673 So do you. 139 00:06:09,756 --> 00:06:11,714 -(chuckles) -What happened to your hand? 140 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,756 I punched a wall. 141 00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:15,881 Cool. 142 00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,506 Want a drink? 143 00:06:17,589 --> 00:06:19,422 Don't you think it's a little early-- 144 00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:22,214 It's kombucha with ginseng and lemongrass, Richard. 145 00:06:22,297 --> 00:06:23,964 I'm not a fucking hobo. 146 00:06:24,756 --> 00:06:27,339 All I wanted to do was be a golden millionaire. 147 00:06:27,422 --> 00:06:28,547 Is that too much to ask? 148 00:06:28,631 --> 00:06:31,506 A millionaire that gets peed on? 149 00:06:31,589 --> 00:06:33,297 I could see you making half that happen. 150 00:06:33,381 --> 00:06:36,339 No, you have as many millions as your age. 151 00:06:36,422 --> 00:06:39,881 I mean, everyone in the Valley is swimming in money. 152 00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,422 Why not me? 153 00:06:41,506 --> 00:06:44,214 I believe your people have a concept for it. 154 00:06:44,297 --> 00:06:45,798 -Karma. -Firstly, 155 00:06:45,881 --> 00:06:48,172 I am Muslim from Pakistan, you fucking racist. 156 00:06:48,255 --> 00:06:50,339 Secondly, karma does not exist. 157 00:06:50,422 --> 00:06:51,881 Otherwise, it would mean that bad things 158 00:06:51,964 --> 00:06:53,547 happen to me because I'm a bad person. 159 00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:56,005 Check... and check. 160 00:06:56,089 --> 00:06:57,881 Oh, I'm a bad person? 161 00:06:57,964 --> 00:07:00,381 Says the guy who literally worships Satan. 162 00:07:00,464 --> 00:07:01,839 I am a great guy. 163 00:07:01,923 --> 00:07:04,255 In my youth, I would've argued that life is just 164 00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:07,798 a series of random events, devoid of any meaning. 165 00:07:07,881 --> 00:07:11,214 But as a data scientist, I have to recognize 166 00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:15,214 that sometimes, patterns emerge. 167 00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:17,964 Undeniable patterns. 168 00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,047 Get right with the universe. 169 00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:23,881 Wajeed: Dinesh? 170 00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:25,381 -Yo! -Dinesh: Hey. 171 00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:28,005 What is up, my cousin? 172 00:07:28,089 --> 00:07:29,547 -Oh! -Hey, uh, Gilfoyle, 173 00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:32,089 -you remember my cousin, Wajeed? -Yes. 174 00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:34,547 Coz, I have been meaning to call you. 175 00:07:34,631 --> 00:07:36,172 Remember last year when you wanted to sell 176 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:38,589 all those shares of Bro that I gave you? 177 00:07:38,673 --> 00:07:40,589 And I was like, don't sell those shares! 178 00:07:40,673 --> 00:07:42,547 And you were like, "I need the money 179 00:07:42,631 --> 00:07:44,798 "to buy floor mats for my Tesla, so I can make a guy 180 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,631 named Danny in the office feel bad." 181 00:07:46,714 --> 00:07:48,089 Dinesh: Good memory. Um, 182 00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:50,964 but, you know, Bro was basically out of business. 183 00:07:51,047 --> 00:07:52,464 It was. 184 00:07:52,547 --> 00:07:54,839 But so wild! 185 00:07:54,923 --> 00:07:57,756 After you sold those shares, I sold Bro to MoveShack 186 00:07:57,839 --> 00:08:01,923 for basically nothing, and yesterday, 187 00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:03,839 MoveShack got "acquired" 188 00:08:03,923 --> 00:08:08,547 by Snapchat, and, uh... (chuckles) we crushed it! 189 00:08:09,464 --> 00:08:12,464 -How much did you make? -Oh, you won't believe this-- 190 00:08:12,547 --> 00:08:15,214 (speaking Urdu) 191 00:08:18,047 --> 00:08:20,089 -(speaks Urdu) -Sixty million dollars? 192 00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:21,798 Wajeed: Yes, 60 million dollars! 193 00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:24,547 I'm a golden millionaire! 194 00:08:24,631 --> 00:08:26,130 Times two! 195 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:29,005 Gilfoyle: So, Dinesh sold his shares, 196 00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:33,255 and then your fortunes turned around. Is that right? 197 00:08:33,339 --> 00:08:36,589 Wajeed: Huh. Weird. It's just like that time. 198 00:08:36,673 --> 00:08:39,756 Remember, you, me, and Ali, we went down to play by the river... 199 00:08:39,839 --> 00:08:42,714 -Oh... Boring story. -...and then, and then Dinesh, 200 00:08:42,798 --> 00:08:45,422 you snuck home so that you could get Ali's jump rope 201 00:08:45,506 --> 00:08:46,673 and play with it by yourself, 202 00:08:46,756 --> 00:08:48,839 without telling him, 203 00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:52,130 and then Ali and I found a giant... 204 00:08:52,214 --> 00:08:54,839 giant box of British candy. 205 00:08:54,923 --> 00:08:55,881 You love candy. 206 00:08:55,964 --> 00:08:57,506 Wajeed: Oh, it was the best. 207 00:08:57,589 --> 00:08:59,839 Anyway, I'm a golden millionaire. 208 00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:02,089 How about I buy drinks, yeah? 209 00:09:03,464 --> 00:09:05,381 -Karma's a-- -You're a bitch. 210 00:09:05,464 --> 00:09:07,214 Anyway, the fucking US government 211 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,172 blocked the entire thing. Can you believe that? 212 00:09:09,255 --> 00:09:10,839 I pay taxes. 213 00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:13,631 -I mean, I don't, but... -Yeah. 214 00:09:14,214 --> 00:09:15,756 But look, I mean, I think 215 00:09:15,839 --> 00:09:17,381 we're even more fucked than you are. 216 00:09:17,464 --> 00:09:19,339 We're quite a pair, aren't we? 217 00:09:19,422 --> 00:09:22,506 To us. To the men in the arena, 218 00:09:22,589 --> 00:09:26,047 living or dying under the watchful gaze of Caesar. 219 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,214 Are you not entertained? 220 00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:30,130 (phone chimes) 221 00:09:34,964 --> 00:09:38,381 It's, uh, from Jared Dunn. Do you remember him? 222 00:09:38,464 --> 00:09:40,255 Of course. How's he doing? 223 00:09:40,339 --> 00:09:42,255 Actually, uh, funny enough, 224 00:09:42,339 --> 00:09:45,756 he just bailed on me to go work for some... 225 00:09:45,839 --> 00:09:47,923 sexy new startup back at my old hacker hostel. 226 00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:52,005 Ironic. Exactly the same way he left me, for you. 227 00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:54,172 Jared always had an eye for talent. 228 00:09:56,089 --> 00:09:57,839 Thanks, I guess. 229 00:09:57,923 --> 00:10:00,089 So, what was the munition 230 00:10:00,172 --> 00:10:02,130 that CIFIUS got on your case for? 231 00:10:02,214 --> 00:10:03,798 Some kind of... 232 00:10:03,881 --> 00:10:06,172 -illegal hacking tool? -You wanna hear the worst part? 233 00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:09,297 It's a fucking dating app called Foxhole. 234 00:10:09,381 --> 00:10:10,923 -An app? -Yep! 235 00:10:11,005 --> 00:10:13,381 I can't shut it down because my investors will lose their shit, 236 00:10:13,464 --> 00:10:15,297 and I can't sell it because who the fuck wants something 237 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:18,047 -with all those restrictions on it? -(chuckles): Right. 238 00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,631 (sighing): Anyway... 239 00:10:21,673 --> 00:10:23,172 Here's to us, 240 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:24,506 the Shackletons, 241 00:10:24,589 --> 00:10:27,589 -betrayed by nature's cruelest whims... -Wait. 242 00:10:27,673 --> 00:10:29,923 -...her wants-- -Sorry, just-- 243 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:32,005 If I owned Foxhole, 244 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,631 wouldn't that prevent this Chilean guy 245 00:10:33,714 --> 00:10:35,839 from buying more of my shares? 246 00:10:35,923 --> 00:10:37,381 Actually, it would go even further. 247 00:10:37,464 --> 00:10:39,631 He'd have to sell all the shares he already owns. 248 00:10:39,714 --> 00:10:41,047 Okay, so, um, 249 00:10:41,130 --> 00:10:43,714 if you sell me Foxhole, I mean, that would 250 00:10:43,798 --> 00:10:45,673 certainly save my ass, obviously, 251 00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:48,381 but it would also save yours 252 00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:51,214 because then you could move your operations wherever you wanted. 253 00:10:51,673 --> 00:10:53,631 I mean, it's kind of perfect, right? 254 00:10:53,714 --> 00:10:56,589 It would benefit us both, equally. 255 00:10:56,673 --> 00:10:58,172 -(laughs) Holy shit. -Yeah. 256 00:10:58,255 --> 00:11:01,964 Um, look, Gavin, I know we always haven't seen eye-to-eye, 257 00:11:02,047 --> 00:11:04,464 we're not the best of friends, but... 258 00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:07,172 this may be a chance to actually 259 00:11:07,255 --> 00:11:09,798 help each other out, right? 260 00:11:09,881 --> 00:11:11,631 What do you say? 261 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:14,547 I mean... isn't it obvious? 262 00:11:15,172 --> 00:11:17,964 I say... no! 263 00:11:19,172 --> 00:11:20,756 -What? -No! 264 00:11:20,839 --> 00:11:22,506 Fuck no, Richard! 265 00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:24,756 I can't make a move that would benefit you. 266 00:11:24,839 --> 00:11:26,589 You're my competition. Help no rival. 267 00:11:26,673 --> 00:11:28,756 It's one of the basic principles of business. 268 00:11:28,839 --> 00:11:31,047 We just spent the last hour bonding about how 269 00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:33,589 this business is comprised of backstabbers and cutthroats. 270 00:11:33,673 --> 00:11:36,589 Yes, exactly! That's what this is. 271 00:11:37,422 --> 00:11:39,047 It's a little weird you don't get it. 272 00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:40,506 I could help you, Gavin. 273 00:11:40,589 --> 00:11:42,297 You already have, Richard! 274 00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:44,172 I mean, I was sitting up here feeling 275 00:11:44,255 --> 00:11:46,881 totally just impotent, and then you came along 276 00:11:46,964 --> 00:11:49,714 and exposed your underbelly, and practically begged me 277 00:11:49,798 --> 00:11:52,339 to plunge the knife in! I mean, I still have a deep hole 278 00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:55,589 to crawl out of, but this is a fucking great start. 279 00:11:56,631 --> 00:11:57,881 Look at that. 280 00:11:57,964 --> 00:12:00,214 It barely hurts anymore. 281 00:12:00,297 --> 00:12:01,714 Well, if you'll excuse me, 282 00:12:01,798 --> 00:12:03,255 I have a triathlon to train for, 283 00:12:03,339 --> 00:12:05,964 and I'm suddenly feeling a wellspring of energy. 284 00:12:07,047 --> 00:12:08,798 Ron: Look, Richie, 285 00:12:09,422 --> 00:12:11,172 you're basically outta options. 286 00:12:11,255 --> 00:12:13,214 So, what are you saying? That... 287 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,172 I just lay down and die? 288 00:12:16,381 --> 00:12:19,422 I take issue with your definition of die, my dude. 289 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:22,297 I can get that Chilean cat on the phone right now and get you paid. 290 00:12:22,381 --> 00:12:24,005 There's no shame in it. 291 00:12:24,089 --> 00:12:27,756 Musk built PayPal and sold. Hoffman built LinkedIn and sold. 292 00:12:27,839 --> 00:12:29,339 You seen those guys lately? 293 00:12:29,422 --> 00:12:33,047 I don't care about the money, that's not why I got into this. 294 00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:36,130 Richie, can I be honest with you for once? 295 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:39,005 For once? You're my attorney. 296 00:12:41,798 --> 00:12:46,047 You remember the end of Thelma and Louise? 297 00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:48,214 How they drove that car off the cliff? 298 00:12:48,297 --> 00:12:52,673 Why? That was a mint '66 T-Bird. 299 00:12:52,756 --> 00:12:55,798 They didn't need that car to get over the cliff. Why'd that car have to die? 300 00:12:55,881 --> 00:12:58,547 I-I think it had something to do with, um, 301 00:12:58,631 --> 00:13:00,714 -women's rights or something? -Important stuff. 302 00:13:00,798 --> 00:13:02,964 But... sorry, what's your point? 303 00:13:03,047 --> 00:13:04,631 My point, Richie, 304 00:13:04,714 --> 00:13:07,547 is you wanna go over the cliff, Thelma, that's fine. 305 00:13:07,631 --> 00:13:09,089 All right? You do you. 306 00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:12,255 But you gotta remember there are 500 other people 307 00:13:12,339 --> 00:13:16,130 in the trunk that are gonna burst into flames with you. 308 00:13:16,214 --> 00:13:18,005 And for what? 309 00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:19,923 -Computers? -(phone vibrating) 310 00:13:20,005 --> 00:13:22,214 That's Jared. He's been calling me all day. 311 00:13:22,297 --> 00:13:24,798 Uh, hey, can I call you back? I'm in the middle of something. 312 00:13:24,881 --> 00:13:27,172 Did you talk to Gavin Belson about Gwart's company, 313 00:13:27,255 --> 00:13:28,673 and call her sexy? 314 00:13:28,756 --> 00:13:30,297 Richard (phone): Uh, what? No. 315 00:13:30,381 --> 00:13:32,631 I mean, yes, but I barely mentioned it. 316 00:13:32,714 --> 00:13:35,839 Did you call her sexy? Yes or no? 317 00:13:35,923 --> 00:13:38,547 I think I was more talking about her tech. 318 00:13:38,631 --> 00:13:40,089 Jared: So, you told Gavin Belson, 319 00:13:40,172 --> 00:13:42,756 a lion in repose, 320 00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:44,923 that Gwart was a potential threat, 321 00:13:45,005 --> 00:13:47,631 and now Jian-Yang is selling us to him for pocket change. 322 00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:49,297 -Jian-Yang can do that? -Yeah. 323 00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:52,381 He owns 60 percent of the company. He can do whatever he wants. 324 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:54,589 Gavin is shutting us down, Richard. 325 00:13:54,673 --> 00:13:56,547 Gwart is so mad, she won't even look at me. 326 00:13:56,631 --> 00:13:59,130 -Richard: Aah, fuck. -You know, if you want revenge 327 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,964 on me, that's fine. 328 00:14:01,047 --> 00:14:02,464 But to go after Gwart? 329 00:14:02,547 --> 00:14:04,005 She doesn't have 330 00:14:04,089 --> 00:14:06,673 your savvy or your ruthlessness, Richard. 331 00:14:06,756 --> 00:14:08,631 Hell, she has to wear earplugs on hikes 332 00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,214 because the forest is too loud. 333 00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:12,798 Look, I was only talking to Gavin to save Pied Piper. 334 00:14:12,881 --> 00:14:13,923 I-I had no idea he was-- 335 00:14:14,005 --> 00:14:15,381 A monster? Of course you did! 336 00:14:15,464 --> 00:14:17,839 That's all you talked about for years! 337 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,005 "Gavin is a monster. 338 00:14:19,089 --> 00:14:21,506 Poor Pied Piper. I'm Richard Hendricks." 339 00:14:21,589 --> 00:14:22,798 I don't think my voice is that deep. 340 00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:24,923 I mean, who is the buddy-fucker now? 341 00:14:25,005 --> 00:14:27,547 -You are the buddy-fucker. -(line clicks, beeps) 342 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:29,297 (sighs) 343 00:14:29,381 --> 00:14:33,255 So, we gonna save that T-Bird, or are we gonna take her right over the cliff? 344 00:14:36,255 --> 00:14:37,589 Richard: So, uh, 345 00:14:38,089 --> 00:14:40,589 look, I-I know it's not a billion dollars, 346 00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:43,422 but, um, given the situation... 347 00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:46,005 it's actually a very good deal. 348 00:14:46,089 --> 00:14:47,839 Do you want to sell the company? 349 00:14:47,923 --> 00:14:49,339 No, I don't. 350 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,381 Dinesh, I don't, but... 351 00:14:51,464 --> 00:14:53,673 Ron is right. 352 00:14:53,756 --> 00:14:55,673 Maximo is getting it no matter what. 353 00:14:56,756 --> 00:14:58,381 Why just give it away? 354 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,464 -Right. Yeah. -(phone chimes) 355 00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:03,506 Look, anyway, you guys have done... 356 00:15:03,589 --> 00:15:07,047 everything I've asked for, so, uh, you all deserve this. 357 00:15:07,130 --> 00:15:09,381 Well, we can take the money and still be good people, right? 358 00:15:09,464 --> 00:15:11,130 Plus, Richard is the CEO, 359 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:12,381 so I have to follow his orders. 360 00:15:12,464 --> 00:15:13,756 I mean, no one's ever been a bad person 361 00:15:13,839 --> 00:15:15,756 'cause they followed orders, right? 362 00:15:15,839 --> 00:15:17,547 You guys, there's really no other option. 363 00:15:17,631 --> 00:15:19,547 -Yes, there is. -What? No. 364 00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:22,839 Okay, if Hooli won't sell us Foxhole... 365 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,547 -we could just buy Hooli. -(laughs) 366 00:15:25,631 --> 00:15:27,047 Right. Yeah. 367 00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:29,589 The-the same way we can buy America and everything in it. 368 00:15:29,673 --> 00:15:32,464 No, I-I'm serious. We just found out how much Hooli's worth, 369 00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:33,964 and it's not that much. 370 00:15:34,047 --> 00:15:36,506 Sorry, how do we know how much Hooli's worth? 371 00:15:40,964 --> 00:15:43,255 ♪ ♪ 372 00:15:43,339 --> 00:15:46,130 Gilfoyle: Gavin bought Gwart's company using Hooli stock? 373 00:15:46,214 --> 00:15:49,756 Mm-hmm. And when he did, he tipped his hand. 374 00:15:49,839 --> 00:15:51,673 He really ran it into the ground. 375 00:15:51,756 --> 00:15:53,589 Yeah, and Maximo's offer's so strong 376 00:15:53,673 --> 00:15:55,422 that our price just shot up. 377 00:15:56,005 --> 00:15:58,673 Holy shit. We're worth more than Hooli. 378 00:16:00,923 --> 00:16:02,589 Uh, hey Jared, uh, 379 00:16:02,673 --> 00:16:04,756 -thank you for-- -Save it. 380 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,172 I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Gwart. 381 00:16:08,255 --> 00:16:10,130 The second you own Hooli, you release us 382 00:16:10,214 --> 00:16:12,547 to become independent, non-negotiable. 383 00:16:13,881 --> 00:16:15,547 Of course. Sure, yeah. 384 00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:18,047 If that's what you want. Cool. 385 00:16:18,714 --> 00:16:20,464 (sighs) So, guys... 386 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,589 are we really doing this? 387 00:16:25,214 --> 00:16:26,923 Fuck it. Yeah. 388 00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:28,297 I think we have to. 389 00:16:28,381 --> 00:16:30,297 We have to sleep on it. 390 00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:31,547 Richard: Okay. 391 00:16:32,172 --> 00:16:34,547 We're gonna buy Hooli. (laughs) 392 00:16:34,631 --> 00:16:36,214 Big question, 393 00:16:36,297 --> 00:16:37,964 -how do we buy Hooli? -Monica: Well, 394 00:16:38,047 --> 00:16:40,798 in order to get the cash, we have to sell a chunk 395 00:16:40,881 --> 00:16:43,255 of our shares to someone other than Maximo, 396 00:16:43,339 --> 00:16:44,964 and, I mean, 397 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,214 whoever we rope into that is gonna lose a fortune. 398 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:49,297 -Because...? -Richard: Well, we'd be selling to them 399 00:16:49,381 --> 00:16:50,798 at our current high price. 400 00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:52,964 And when we acquire Hooli and Foxhole, 401 00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:55,506 CIFIUS will force Maximo to dump all his shares, 402 00:16:55,589 --> 00:16:57,130 and our valuation will plummet. 403 00:16:57,214 --> 00:16:58,923 And I couldn't do that to anyone. 404 00:16:59,005 --> 00:17:01,297 Oh? Couldn't you? 405 00:17:02,464 --> 00:17:04,339 Yeah, I-I'm not sure I could do it either. 406 00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:05,714 Okay! Deal breaker then, right? 407 00:17:05,798 --> 00:17:07,547 'Cause there's no one I could do that to either. 408 00:17:07,631 --> 00:17:09,756 Oh, isn't there... 409 00:17:10,589 --> 00:17:11,923 bro? 410 00:17:12,589 --> 00:17:14,047 Oh, God damn it. 411 00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:17,214 You want me to be an investor in your company? 412 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:18,506 -I do. -Wow, 413 00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,339 that-that is so cool. 414 00:17:20,422 --> 00:17:22,631 But I don't know why I'm surprised because 415 00:17:22,714 --> 00:17:25,923 you're literally the greatest guy that I know. 416 00:17:26,506 --> 00:17:28,297 -What? -Yeah! I mean, 417 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,839 literally last week, Farooq was calling me, and he was like, 418 00:17:30,923 --> 00:17:32,631 "Hey, you know who's a good guy?" 419 00:17:32,714 --> 00:17:34,381 And I was like, "My cousin Dinesh!" 420 00:17:34,464 --> 00:17:37,589 And he was like, "Yes. Yes, your cousin, 421 00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:39,214 -Dinesh." -That's me. 422 00:17:39,297 --> 00:17:42,673 It's hard for me to say, but I-I think we should hang out more, okay? 423 00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:45,297 And that's my fault, and I promise that I will call you 424 00:17:45,381 --> 00:17:47,214 as soon as me and my friends get back. 425 00:17:47,297 --> 00:17:48,506 Where you guys going? 426 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,547 Oh, we're just gonna go down to the North Shore 427 00:17:50,631 --> 00:17:51,923 because... (chuckles) 428 00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:55,673 ...I bought 80 acres in Hawaii, bro! 429 00:17:55,756 --> 00:17:58,297 And the beach is, like, pretty private or whatever, 430 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,381 but there's, like, fashion shoots and supermodels-- 431 00:18:00,464 --> 00:18:02,714 Just sign it. 432 00:18:02,798 --> 00:18:04,631 Thank you, triathletes, for being here today 433 00:18:04,714 --> 00:18:08,381 to support a wonderful cause, HooliCares. 434 00:18:08,464 --> 00:18:11,214 Hooli cares. 435 00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:12,673 Do you? 436 00:18:12,756 --> 00:18:14,631 (laughing) 437 00:18:14,714 --> 00:18:16,172 Take your marks. 438 00:18:26,464 --> 00:18:28,339 (starter pistol fires) 439 00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:40,089 Gilfoyle: He's in the water. 440 00:18:40,172 --> 00:18:41,547 You sure? 441 00:18:41,631 --> 00:18:43,714 I cracked into Gavin's HooliWatch. 442 00:18:43,798 --> 00:18:45,005 Don't ask me how I did it. 443 00:18:45,089 --> 00:18:47,005 I've got real-time GPS location, 444 00:18:47,089 --> 00:18:49,506 blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate. 445 00:18:49,589 --> 00:18:51,631 I can even see where he is in his menstrual cycle. 446 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,506 Looks like a good day to fuck him. 447 00:18:53,589 --> 00:18:55,506 (clears throat) 448 00:18:55,589 --> 00:18:57,130 So, I guess we're gonna talk all damn day? 449 00:18:57,214 --> 00:18:59,881 -That the play? -Richard: Uh, no. No. 450 00:19:00,422 --> 00:19:03,130 We're calling him, okay? So... 451 00:19:03,214 --> 00:19:06,130 -let's do this. -Okay. 'Cause it just seemed like... 452 00:19:06,214 --> 00:19:09,839 Lex Skelton. Hey, uh, it's, um, Richard Hendricks. 453 00:19:09,923 --> 00:19:13,047 I'd like to ask for you to call 454 00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:15,839 an emergency meeting of the Hooli board of directors. 455 00:19:15,923 --> 00:19:18,589 ♪ ♪ 456 00:19:22,047 --> 00:19:24,756 Flank that little fucker in the black cap! 457 00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:26,673 Uh, we've tried to, uh, 458 00:19:26,756 --> 00:19:28,798 contact Gavin Belson, 459 00:19:28,881 --> 00:19:31,714 but, uh, he hasn't responded. 460 00:19:31,798 --> 00:19:34,714 We do, however, have a quorum. 461 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:35,839 Let's proceed. 462 00:19:35,923 --> 00:19:38,172 Great. Well, I would like to present you 463 00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:41,381 with an offer, and, uh, judging by the current state of Hooli, 464 00:19:41,464 --> 00:19:44,297 I think you'll find it very interesting. 465 00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,464 (applause, cheering) 466 00:19:52,297 --> 00:19:54,255 All right, according to the company charter, 467 00:19:54,339 --> 00:19:58,047 Gavin Belson does have two hours to formally object. 468 00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:01,130 Right. Yeah, two hours, 469 00:20:01,214 --> 00:20:02,756 so... 470 00:20:02,839 --> 00:20:04,464 That's no problem at all. 471 00:20:04,547 --> 00:20:06,255 You've seen my offer, 472 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,047 but unless everyone agrees to sell, 473 00:20:09,130 --> 00:20:11,381 there's no deal because I need 474 00:20:11,464 --> 00:20:13,047 total control of the company. 475 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,589 -So, who's in? -Lex: Richard, 476 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:19,047 I expect a lot of us are on the fence here. 477 00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:22,172 Personally, I've been with Gavin for a lot of years, 478 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,005 and believe-- 479 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:25,798 Oh. 480 00:20:25,881 --> 00:20:27,381 Everyone? 481 00:20:27,464 --> 00:20:30,798 All right. I suppose I won't stand in the way then. 482 00:20:32,172 --> 00:20:33,381 Okay! 483 00:20:33,464 --> 00:20:35,589 Good, yeah. I'll just email you 484 00:20:35,673 --> 00:20:38,047 the long form, and you can just eSign-- 485 00:20:38,130 --> 00:20:40,547 eSign? No! 486 00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:42,714 We don't do that. 487 00:20:42,798 --> 00:20:44,839 -What? -Lex: Never have, never will. 488 00:20:44,923 --> 00:20:46,297 You want this deal to close, 489 00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:49,881 you bring us the forms, get everyone's hard signature, 490 00:20:49,964 --> 00:20:53,714 and then bring them to me to countersign. 491 00:20:53,798 --> 00:20:55,172 Is that a problem? 492 00:20:55,798 --> 00:20:56,714 No. 493 00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:59,214 More push, more push, more push! 494 00:20:59,297 --> 00:21:02,255 ♪ ♪ 495 00:21:02,339 --> 00:21:05,464 (panting) 496 00:21:08,881 --> 00:21:10,255 Dinesh: Whoa, he just sped up! 497 00:21:10,339 --> 00:21:12,547 There's been some lag, but I think he's on the bike. 498 00:21:12,631 --> 00:21:14,673 -Richard: Okay, we gotta hustle, guys. -I'm aware. 499 00:21:16,172 --> 00:21:18,339 All right, everybody know where they're going? 500 00:21:18,422 --> 00:21:19,839 You go, you get the signatures, 501 00:21:19,923 --> 00:21:21,422 -we meet at Lex's offices, yeah? -Yeah. 502 00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:22,798 Richard: Okay. Quick, quick. 503 00:21:22,881 --> 00:21:24,589 (crowd cheering) 504 00:21:24,673 --> 00:21:25,714 Come on, come on, come on! 505 00:21:25,798 --> 00:21:27,214 (panting) 506 00:21:30,172 --> 00:21:32,005 (gargling) 507 00:21:35,130 --> 00:21:36,339 Go, go, go! 508 00:21:36,422 --> 00:21:37,506 One down. 509 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:39,130 The next one's up on Market. 510 00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:41,214 Just up this block and take a right. 511 00:21:41,297 --> 00:21:43,881 Is that what the GPS says? 512 00:21:44,214 --> 00:21:46,881 -N-no, I-- -Okay, do you wanna drive? 513 00:21:46,964 --> 00:21:48,631 -No, Jared. Look-- -Woman (on radio): I'm Terry Gross. 514 00:21:48,714 --> 00:21:50,631 -Look, should we maybe talk about-- -My guest is 515 00:21:50,714 --> 00:21:56,130 (louder): a medical bioethicist who learned about opioid dependence the hard way. 516 00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:59,047 You know, I really ought to consult with my wife 517 00:21:59,130 --> 00:22:01,881 before I make such a big financial decision. 518 00:22:03,214 --> 00:22:06,547 You're really gonna let a woman tell you what to do? 519 00:22:10,422 --> 00:22:11,881 Over here! 520 00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,547 (panting) 521 00:22:14,881 --> 00:22:17,839 -(clears throat) -Oh, thank you. 522 00:22:17,923 --> 00:22:20,047 Almost done here. 523 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:21,881 Gavin's just starting the run. 524 00:22:21,964 --> 00:22:24,005 His blood O2 is dog shit. 525 00:22:24,089 --> 00:22:27,214 (panting) 526 00:22:29,005 --> 00:22:31,005 -Plan J, sir? -Plan J! 527 00:22:31,089 --> 00:22:33,255 (panting) 528 00:22:34,506 --> 00:22:36,255 Jay! 529 00:22:36,339 --> 00:22:38,422 You are my spitting image. 530 00:22:38,798 --> 00:22:41,005 I'll meet you a quarter mile from the finish line. 531 00:22:41,089 --> 00:22:42,547 Go, go, go, go, go! 532 00:22:42,631 --> 00:22:44,756 ♪ ♪ 533 00:22:46,422 --> 00:22:48,047 (inhales) 534 00:22:48,130 --> 00:22:50,130 I still got it, Hoover. 535 00:22:50,214 --> 00:22:51,339 I know you do, sir. 536 00:22:51,422 --> 00:22:53,422 As long as Jay doesn't fuck up, 537 00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,130 I'm gonna beat my personal record. 538 00:22:55,214 --> 00:22:57,339 Let's see, we started at 10:00, 539 00:22:57,422 --> 00:22:59,089 and now it's... 540 00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:03,089 I gave Jay my watch. 541 00:23:03,464 --> 00:23:04,964 (clears throat) 542 00:23:06,631 --> 00:23:08,339 The fuck?! 543 00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:11,214 Turn around! Turn around, Hoover! 544 00:23:11,297 --> 00:23:12,422 -Yes, sir. -(honks horn) 545 00:23:12,506 --> 00:23:14,130 Mother fuck! 546 00:23:14,214 --> 00:23:17,506 -Lex: So, you've got them all signed, have you? -Richard: Yeah. 547 00:23:17,589 --> 00:23:20,047 And you can just, uh, countersign all that, and-and, 548 00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:21,881 your form to sign is at the end there. 549 00:23:21,964 --> 00:23:23,464 Do that, and we'll be out of your way. 550 00:23:23,547 --> 00:23:25,005 (sighs) 551 00:23:32,297 --> 00:23:33,964 Fresca. 552 00:23:35,506 --> 00:23:36,839 (sighs) 553 00:23:43,297 --> 00:23:45,172 Ah. 554 00:23:48,756 --> 00:23:50,839 Let's have a look-see, huh? 555 00:23:53,464 --> 00:23:56,130 "To whom it may... 556 00:23:57,506 --> 00:23:58,756 concern." 557 00:23:58,839 --> 00:24:01,255 Okay, and actually, the signature page-- 558 00:24:01,339 --> 00:24:03,964 -I've done these things before! -Yep. 559 00:24:04,047 --> 00:24:05,756 No, I know. I know. 560 00:24:05,839 --> 00:24:07,923 What do you mean not to be disturbed? 561 00:24:08,005 --> 00:24:09,589 I just got a million texts that he's about 562 00:24:09,673 --> 00:24:11,714 to sign away my whole fucking company! 563 00:24:12,172 --> 00:24:15,464 It's Gavin fucking Belson, you clattering magpie! 564 00:24:17,214 --> 00:24:18,130 Hello? 565 00:24:18,214 --> 00:24:19,589 Fuck! 566 00:24:19,673 --> 00:24:21,547 We need to get to Lex's. Now! 567 00:24:21,631 --> 00:24:23,506 All right. Seven down, 568 00:24:23,589 --> 00:24:25,255 -one to go! -(clears throat) 569 00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:26,881 Yep. Yeah, just finish signing 570 00:24:26,964 --> 00:24:28,214 that form there, and we will-- 571 00:24:28,297 --> 00:24:30,297 -(door bangs open) -Stop! Lex, stop! 572 00:24:30,381 --> 00:24:31,547 Gavin? 573 00:24:33,214 --> 00:24:35,255 -Huh? -I thought he was in the race. 574 00:24:35,339 --> 00:24:36,881 -Gavin. -Yeah, he is. 575 00:24:36,964 --> 00:24:39,297 Looks like he's waiting about a mile from the finish line. 576 00:24:39,381 --> 00:24:41,547 -(panting) -Oh. 577 00:24:41,631 --> 00:24:44,798 You are a sneaky little gladiator, aren't you, Richard? 578 00:24:44,881 --> 00:24:47,047 But the Hooli charter, which I wrote, 579 00:24:47,130 --> 00:24:49,381 gives me the right to block this transaction. 580 00:24:49,464 --> 00:24:51,255 Uh, no. It doesn't. 581 00:24:51,339 --> 00:24:53,005 Richard: Yeah, that's right. You, uh, 582 00:24:53,089 --> 00:24:55,756 you had two hours, which lapsed-- 583 00:24:55,839 --> 00:24:57,214 Seven minutes ago. 584 00:24:59,547 --> 00:25:01,214 I'm afraid they're right. 585 00:25:01,631 --> 00:25:02,798 Shit. 586 00:25:02,881 --> 00:25:04,964 Okay, fine! I can't block it! 587 00:25:05,047 --> 00:25:08,172 But come on, Lex! We have a history together! 588 00:25:08,255 --> 00:25:10,506 You wrote the very first check to Hooli. 589 00:25:10,589 --> 00:25:12,839 You're not gonna turn your back on 30 years 590 00:25:12,923 --> 00:25:15,047 of making money together, are you? 591 00:25:15,130 --> 00:25:17,130 I know we're not in the strongest position right now, 592 00:25:17,214 --> 00:25:19,923 but I will fight my way back, that's what I do. 593 00:25:20,005 --> 00:25:22,964 I-I kick and I scrap and I-I play dirty. 594 00:25:23,047 --> 00:25:25,214 Anything to win! I-I-I could've 595 00:25:25,297 --> 00:25:28,172 bailed Richard out, but I didn't! I fucked him! 596 00:25:28,255 --> 00:25:30,047 And then, I fucked over... 597 00:25:30,130 --> 00:25:31,506 "world poker tour" there! 598 00:25:31,589 --> 00:25:33,589 Just for the spite of it, just because I could! 599 00:25:33,673 --> 00:25:35,839 Look, forget all the bullshit about 600 00:25:35,923 --> 00:25:37,339 making the world a better place. 601 00:25:37,422 --> 00:25:40,214 The most valuable companies in this valley 602 00:25:40,297 --> 00:25:43,547 were built and run by-by savages, 603 00:25:43,631 --> 00:25:46,714 who cheat to win. Zuckerberg, and Jobs, 604 00:25:46,798 --> 00:25:49,756 and me, Gavin Belson. 605 00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:53,673 So please, Lex, put the pen down. 606 00:25:54,130 --> 00:25:55,714 Leave your money where it is. 607 00:25:55,798 --> 00:25:57,297 Richard: If this is a competition 608 00:25:57,381 --> 00:26:00,381 to find out who the shittier person is, 609 00:26:00,464 --> 00:26:03,130 I'm not sure it's something that I can add to. 610 00:26:03,881 --> 00:26:05,506 Dinesh: I can. 611 00:26:06,798 --> 00:26:08,964 -Dinesh? -This must be said. 612 00:26:09,964 --> 00:26:12,214 Gavin, you think you're the most spiteful guy in town, 613 00:26:12,297 --> 00:26:15,130 but you're not even the most spiteful guy in this room. 614 00:26:15,214 --> 00:26:17,297 The truth is... 615 00:26:17,381 --> 00:26:19,047 I'm a bad person. 616 00:26:19,130 --> 00:26:21,631 How do you think we got the money for this deal? 617 00:26:21,714 --> 00:26:24,381 I lied to my cousin's face. 618 00:26:24,464 --> 00:26:28,214 He is going to lose $40 million, give or take, 619 00:26:28,297 --> 00:26:31,172 plus his estate in Hawaii... I hope. 620 00:26:31,255 --> 00:26:33,923 See?! I suck! 621 00:26:34,005 --> 00:26:36,130 Did you know that instead of breaking up with a girl 622 00:26:36,214 --> 00:26:39,089 that scared me, I called the FBI and sent her to prison? 623 00:26:39,172 --> 00:26:41,464 -The Teslas. -Dinesh: Right. 624 00:26:42,005 --> 00:26:43,422 I pressured my direct reports 625 00:26:43,506 --> 00:26:44,964 to buy Teslas that they could not afford 626 00:26:45,047 --> 00:26:47,673 because I wanted better wheels than a guy named Danny. 627 00:26:48,381 --> 00:26:50,172 And I was eight years old, 628 00:26:50,255 --> 00:26:52,005 I stole my friend Ali's jump rope 629 00:26:52,089 --> 00:26:55,381 and tied it to the back of a truck that drove away, 630 00:26:55,464 --> 00:26:58,047 and then I told him I had no idea what happened to it. 631 00:26:58,130 --> 00:26:59,756 And when he cried himself to sleep, 632 00:26:59,839 --> 00:27:01,881 I ate his British candy and told him 633 00:27:01,964 --> 00:27:03,631 God took it because he hated him. 634 00:27:03,714 --> 00:27:05,547 -Jesus! -Dinesh: So, 635 00:27:05,631 --> 00:27:07,047 if this decision is going to come down 636 00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:09,714 to who is the most spiteful, then, respectfully, sir... 637 00:27:09,798 --> 00:27:11,714 -Lex: Stop! Stop! -...I would argue-- 638 00:27:11,798 --> 00:27:13,923 Just stop talking! 639 00:27:14,005 --> 00:27:16,464 I don't wanna be in business with any of you people. 640 00:27:16,547 --> 00:27:19,422 I don't even wanna be in the same room with you! 641 00:27:19,506 --> 00:27:22,464 I'm gonna sign this and take my money out. 642 00:27:22,547 --> 00:27:24,964 Oop! Gonna miss my bus. 643 00:27:25,047 --> 00:27:26,422 Ugh... 644 00:27:26,756 --> 00:27:29,964 Excuse me. Excuse me. 645 00:27:30,047 --> 00:27:31,589 Excuse me. 646 00:27:32,547 --> 00:27:34,297 Think you won? 647 00:27:34,381 --> 00:27:36,172 (laughing): Fuck you, Richard Hendricks. 648 00:27:36,255 --> 00:27:38,673 The Valley is small and the road is long. 649 00:27:38,756 --> 00:27:41,214 Just keep looking over your shoulder. 650 00:27:42,172 --> 00:27:43,881 Gentlemen. 651 00:27:44,547 --> 00:27:46,631 And lady-- Ow! 652 00:27:46,714 --> 00:27:49,297 Hoover! Help! 653 00:27:49,381 --> 00:27:50,756 (door opens) 654 00:27:52,214 --> 00:27:53,798 Richard: Guys... 655 00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,714 -(door shuts) -Did we... 656 00:27:55,798 --> 00:27:57,923 Just buy Hooli? 657 00:27:58,464 --> 00:27:59,964 Yeah, we did. 658 00:28:00,047 --> 00:28:01,923 Holy shit. 659 00:28:02,673 --> 00:28:04,631 -(laughing) -Feels pretty good! 660 00:28:06,089 --> 00:28:07,756 Wajeed is gonna be so pissed at me. 661 00:28:08,547 --> 00:28:10,172 And mom's gonna kill me. 662 00:28:10,839 --> 00:28:13,964 So, I guess, uh, everyone got what they want. 663 00:28:14,464 --> 00:28:16,547 (clears throat) Well, actually, uh, Jared. 664 00:28:17,589 --> 00:28:18,756 Hey, uh... 665 00:28:18,839 --> 00:28:21,130 I just wanna say, like... 666 00:28:21,214 --> 00:28:24,255 I'm really sorry about everything, 667 00:28:24,339 --> 00:28:27,089 and, uh, well, 668 00:28:27,506 --> 00:28:29,881 of course, I'd be happy 669 00:28:29,964 --> 00:28:32,631 to give you and Gwart your company back. 670 00:28:32,714 --> 00:28:35,464 That's obvious. And also, if you... 671 00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:37,756 needed office space, 672 00:28:37,839 --> 00:28:40,923 we'd be happy to have you. Um... 673 00:28:41,339 --> 00:28:44,464 I guess, I don't know, I just... I miss you, man. 674 00:28:45,589 --> 00:28:47,422 Whatever, I don't care. 675 00:28:50,631 --> 00:28:52,381 Monica: Jesus. 676 00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:54,673 Yeah, it's sort of his thing. 677 00:28:55,339 --> 00:28:56,714 (sighs) All right, 678 00:28:56,798 --> 00:28:58,589 well, everybody's gathered out there, 679 00:28:58,673 --> 00:29:01,506 -so you should probably say something. -Okay. 680 00:29:01,589 --> 00:29:03,964 Be gracious and don't expect too much. 681 00:29:04,047 --> 00:29:05,798 What are you talking about? I mean, 682 00:29:05,881 --> 00:29:08,589 won't they be happy? I freed them from Gavin. 683 00:29:08,673 --> 00:29:11,255 I mean, that's one way of looking at it. 684 00:29:11,339 --> 00:29:13,297 Or, your company just swallowed theirs, 685 00:29:13,381 --> 00:29:15,547 and you fired their founder and CEO. 686 00:29:15,964 --> 00:29:18,047 They're probably a little freaked out. They wanna know 687 00:29:18,130 --> 00:29:20,089 that they're gonna keep their jobs. 688 00:29:20,172 --> 00:29:23,089 But we don't know if they will. 689 00:29:23,172 --> 00:29:24,923 -Right. -Yeah. 690 00:29:25,005 --> 00:29:27,798 Well, you'll think of something. Just be yours-- 691 00:29:28,881 --> 00:29:31,255 -Keep it short. Keep it short. -Yeah. 692 00:29:31,339 --> 00:29:35,005 -("Comin' Thru" by Chali 2na playing) -Okay... Okay. 693 00:29:35,089 --> 00:29:36,297 ♪ Comin' through today ♪ 694 00:29:36,381 --> 00:29:37,756 ♪ Welcome to Terrordome ♪ 695 00:29:37,839 --> 00:29:40,089 ♪ I'm your host, the friendly neighborhood baritone ♪ 696 00:29:40,172 --> 00:29:42,089 ♪ Vocals channel the spirits of old poets ♪ 697 00:29:42,172 --> 00:29:44,923 ♪ I don't drink, my glass never behold Moet ♪ 698 00:29:45,005 --> 00:29:46,798 ♪ Similar to Paul Laurence Dunbar ♪ 699 00:29:46,881 --> 00:29:49,422 ♪ From the crew you thought was just all chorus and one star ♪ 700 00:29:49,506 --> 00:29:51,839 ♪ Now, I'm one-sixth of a clique that runs shit ♪ 701 00:29:51,923 --> 00:29:54,422 ♪ While commercial counterparts are in constant conflict ♪ 702 00:29:54,506 --> 00:29:55,964 ♪ I'm coming through today ♪ 703 00:29:56,047 --> 00:29:58,297 ♪ A lot of details, on my body be scales ♪ 704 00:29:58,381 --> 00:29:59,756 ♪ I'm from Ida B. Wells ♪ 705 00:29:59,839 --> 00:30:01,756 ♪ People see me feeling good times since like 11 ♪ 706 00:30:01,839 --> 00:30:04,798 ♪ With a really deep militant mind like Michael Evans ♪ 707 00:30:04,881 --> 00:30:07,547 ♪ Every posse recline, watch me get applause ♪ 708 00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:09,923 ♪ Forming reservoirs on your desert shores ♪ 709 00:30:10,005 --> 00:30:12,172 ♪ Your witnessing mental and verbal fitness friend ♪ 710 00:30:12,255 --> 00:30:14,214 ♪ Tuna fish that descended from Lake Michigan ♪ 711 00:30:14,297 --> 00:30:15,881 -♪ Hey, wait a minute, fish ♪ -♪ What? ♪ 712 00:30:15,964 --> 00:30:18,130 ♪ Who are you? ♪ 713 00:30:18,214 --> 00:30:19,547 ♪ I'm Charlie 2na ♪ 714 00:30:19,631 --> 00:30:21,964 -♪ Coming through today ♪ -♪ Competition listen ♪ 715 00:30:22,047 --> 00:30:23,381 ♪ You got work to do... ♪ 716 00:30:36,673 --> 00:30:38,130 ♪ ...Coming straight from Chi' ♪ 717 00:30:38,214 --> 00:30:41,089 ♪ All day when I say that I'm much more than just... ♪ 718 00:30:46,255 --> 00:30:47,255 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 719 00:30:47,714 --> 00:30:50,422 DINESH CHUGTAI: This is a video called Maximizing Alphaness. 720 00:30:50,923 --> 00:30:53,047 You just gotta subconsciously absorb it. 721 00:30:53,255 --> 00:30:55,506 This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. 722 00:30:55,589 --> 00:30:56,547 Fuck yeah. 723 00:30:56,756 --> 00:30:58,923 It turns out my real parents are alive. (CHUCKLES) 724 00:30:59,255 --> 00:31:01,839 So you gave me up to simplify your first class air travel? 725 00:31:01,923 --> 00:31:05,089 That's a clear row across. A, B, C, and D. 726 00:31:05,547 --> 00:31:08,130 ETHAN: Do we think this photo of Richard is funny? 727 00:31:08,422 --> 00:31:11,547 He was acting like your boss. You need to assert dominance. 728 00:31:11,839 --> 00:31:13,756 -(GRUNTS) -Ah! 729 00:31:14,214 --> 00:31:17,798 It's complicated. You're the only one who got hurt. 730 00:31:18,089 --> 00:31:19,756 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪