This is where it all began, gentlemen, the birthplace of hooli.
Peter Gregory's mother's garage.
That was Peter's workstation. This was mine.
Things sure have changed, but in a way, they've stayed exactly the same.
As we forge our new path together,
we must remain focused on what's really important.
Not material success or wealth, but this, the spirit of innovation.
A few coders, some ramen,
and a dream.
And that is why I brought you here.
All right. Let me show you the rest of the place.
Richard: Oh.
Gilfoyle: Oh, you've got a garage inside your garage.
Impressive.
I'll move you in as soon as construction is complete.
It's gonna be exquisite.
Frank gehry has really outdone himself.
Yeah, frank is the fucking best. He does all my buildings.
Okay, guys? We're all setup. Shall we?
Yes. Let's do it. Of course.
Richard: All right, so in building this peer-to-peer Internet,
the paradox that we're up against is that people won't want to participate
until the quality is high,
and the quality won't be high until, um...
And the quality won't be high until we have a lot of people opt into the network.
So, that presents a little bit of A unique...
Continue.
I was... okay.
It presents a bit of a problem what would... that we kind of need to build...
Richard, everything okay?
I don't know. Is it?
Oh, sorry. Guys, Bryce. Bryce, guys.
Actually, we've met.
- Oh, hey, Donald. - It's Jared now.
80, Gavin, Bryce is...
Very discreet.
Keep going. This is great.
- Uh, is Bryce your assistant? - No, of course not.
He's my transfusion associate.
Which is?
Are you really not familiar with parabiosis?
I can't say that I am.
Well, the science is actually pretty fascinating.
Regular transfusions of the blood of a younger, physically fit donor
can significantly retard the aging process,
and Bryce is a picture of health. Just look at him.
He looks like a Nazi propaganda poster.
Erlich: This is quite the baby shower.
I bet you think you're some big, swinging dick
now that you're getting invited to all these fancy vc soirees.
Yes, my dick is very enormous,
and my app made raviga a lot of money,
and I still pay no rent.
Nobody likes a braggart, jian-Yang.
Hey, guys.
Hello. Congratulations. You're pregnant.
No, no, no. No, she... No, she... no, no. Mmm-mmm.
Fyi, Monica, my invite must have gotten lost in the e-mail,
but young jinathin was kind enough to have me as his plus one.
Don't look at me. This is all ed chen's doing.
Erlich: Is that aarush agrawal? Monica: Mmm-hmm.
I thought he retired.
He's still on the board.
What would a co-founder of raviga be doing at a baby shower?
How often is he even in the building?
Like once a year.
Ed chen threw this whole thing just to suck up to Laurie.
Monica, this is not a baby shower. This is a coup.
What are you talking about?
Ed chen didn't throw this party to impress Laurie.
He threw it to oust her
and invite all these misogynistic a-holes who think that pregnancy is a weakness,
convince them that she's shirking her responsibilities at raviga.
You said it yourself.
There's more dick in here than a synthetic pussy convention.
I didn't say anything close to that.
Regardless, ed chen and aarush are bro'ing down.
I suggest you get in before you get cut out.
You see this guy?
Monica: Tequila shots at a baby shower.
You want me to join the frat house?
Unfortunately, in this climate, Monica, you either bro down or you go down.
Monica, Laurie is also pregnant.
Jian-Yang, are you drinking creamer?
It's a half-half.
Which brings us to our one final, crucial question.
What value can we offer now to the user
to entice them to download the app and opt into our network?
And the answer is,
the brand-new pied Piper app.
The app will take all of the data on a person's phone and compress it,
freeing up 20% more storage.
They can have half of that free memory
while we will take the other half, walled off on their phone, for our own future use.
It's a win-win.
Hmm. That's very well thought out.
Well done, gentlemen.
So, when do we announce?
Announce what?
Richard, when I do something, it's news.
Don't you think you want to lean into that?
We'll announce, rack up huge user interest, and then do a massive public launch at scale.
Richard: Uh, no.
We planned this under the assumption that we'll be rolling out quietly
and not really talking about our ultimate intentions.
Besides, rolling out at scale is a completely different model
with vastly different technical and business challenges,
and we're not prepared for that.
And I think we'd all agree that a stealth roll-out would be best for this one.
Mmm...
Bryce, did you have a thought?
Uh... well, you know, it just seems like a missed opportunity.
I mean, shouldn't you figure out how a big launch would work
before you just say no to it?
Hmm.
Or not.
You know, it's not my company.
That is so true.
You know, Richard, Bryce makes a good point.
Why don't you guys just whip up
an alternate launch plan
with a big public roll-out,
and then we can compare apples to apples?
Gavin, all due respect, this plan took two weeks to develop.
Hard work is the price of greatness, so let's get to work.
Whoo!
Well, this meeting was just absolutely fucking great!
Richard, Donald, gold foil.
Whoo!
Go team!
Whoo!
Uh... the fuck just happened?
- Hey, uh, Bryce? - Yeah?
Next time you're at a meeting of our company of which you are not a part of in any respect,
can you please keep your little ideas to yourself?
I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be helpful.
Richard: Well, you weren't. At all.
I mean, we had him on our side
because I had basicallyjust convinced Gavin that a stealth roll-out was the best idea.
Uh... yeah, well, I...
It's just a stealth roll-out didn't sound like the way to go to me.
What are you talking about?
Bryce: I mean, Gavin has obviously had a lot more success than you, Richard,
and I just think having an asset like Gavin belson on your side...
- What'd you say? You dick! - Whoa!
You dick! You dick!
- Okay. - All right.
- Fuck you! - Okay. That's...
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - It's okay. It's okay.
This is already the best job I ever had.
Jared: I don't know what to say.
I am so, so sorry.
I just couldn't let Bryce talk to you like that.
- Did I frighten you? - Richard: No.
Fuck him, right?
And fuck Gavin.
I mean, what, we take his orders now? He's our boss?
We're supposed to be partners, you know, like equals, right?
And what, he's taking the advice of that stupid little pretty boy over me?
Wait, he has a garage in his garage?
And he has a yacht with a pool on it, and a pool with a yacht in it.
And he has a real live blood boy.
What? He has an actual blood boy?
- That's real? - Yeah, he's real.
Real mouthy.
And he's sticking his perfectly symmetrical face
into actual smart people's business.
I mean, that Ken doll probably thinks traversing a binary search tree
runs in the order of n instead of iogin.
Idiot.
Jared called him a dick.
Seriously? To his face? No.
- Yeah. - Dinesh: That sounds awesome.
But it's probably nothing compared to the thousands upon thousands
of gnarled male genitals
that you get to see every day at your job.
Fuck.
- Hey! - Hi!
- I brought you some dinner, neshi. - Thank you.
Neshi?
Shut the fuck up, gilfoyle.
You just missed these idiots telling me how hard they're selling out
by working for fucking Gavin belson in his disgusting lap of luxury.
Seriously, how can you work for that asshole?
My man, the Gavin killer,
would never compromise his principles for money.
Oh, no?
No, he would not,
and he is busy doing the rewarding work
of keeping the Internet free of graphic sexual imagery.
Hey, can we eat later?
Of course.
I'm gonna go put this in the fridge.
Okay, yeah, thank you.
Hey, you actually still haven't told her that your takedown of Gavin belson
- was an accident? - Shh! It hasn't come up.
We were just talking about him with her,
so it did come up.
- Gavin, hello. What's going on? - Hey, could you...
Gavin: Richard, did you and a member of your team verbally assault
my transfusion associate?
Do you have any idea what that kind of stress could do to his cortisol levels
and therefore my cortisol levels?
Yeah.
Well, he's not technically in the company and he kind of just butted in, so...
Is your ego so fragile that if someone disagrees with you,
you have to demean them?
I want you to go and apologize to Bryce immediately.
Why should I apologize?
Why should I be in business with someone who treats support staff with such contempt?
You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they treat the little people, Richard.
I bet you're mean to waiters, too.
What? No. I'm awesome to waiters.
Well, then I suggest you be awesome to Bryce, too.
His blood is flowing through my veins, Richard.
Make this right.
Fucking blood boy.
What do you want, Richard?
Bryce, I wanted to swing by and apologize for yelling at you
when you offered your very unsolicited opinion.
Also, on behalf of Jared,
we mean no disrespect to you or your career choice. Okay?
My career choice?
You think that I moved out here to be a blood boy?
Did you know I have a degree in cs?
- You do? - Yeah.
But you probably thought that I was just, you know, some dumbjock.
Well that's typical,
because people who look like me,
we never get taken seriously in the tech business
by people who look like you.
You're biased.
Well, hang on. I am not biased, okay?
Come on. Hey, the whole business is biased.
I mean, that's the only way that a good-looking guy like me
can get in a room with Gavin belson
is by being a blood boy, and that sucks.
I gotta work out constantly.
I can't have a beer with my friends, I can't eatjunk food.
Do you know that Gavin made me go full vege?
I mean, fuck soy, man!
But to people like you, I'm just a beautiful bag of blood.
But you know what?
I got some pretty good fucking ideas, and Gavin actually listens to those ideas.
It took a while, but he respects me and you know what, Richard Hendricks?
You clearly fucking don't. So, good night.
Hey, look, it's osama bin fuckin'.
I thought you were staying at Mia's tonight?
I was going to, but alas, I had some intestinal distress,
so I couldn't stay,
which really sucks because she's so great,
which really is horrible because it's so hard to be away from her because she's so great.
Can I...
I have no diarrhea. I lied.
I am so fucked. This girl is gonna kill me or get me killed.
Do tell.
So, she's super attractive, and she's super smart,
and she's way into me,
like way more than a normal person should be, and sex...
There's so much sex. The problem is the part after.
- When you have to apologize? - No.
When we do pillow-talk.
Well, that's the best part. Everything before that's just foreplay.
Not with her.
She'll tell me how cute I am and how into me she is,
and how she hacked into bowman Avenue dam.
That was the Iranian revolutionary guard that was...
No! It was her. She pinned it on them.
She flooded an area being surveyed for hotel construction.
Just to confirm, honesty is off the table, right?
Because it seems like the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get.
I'm with Jared. You should wait.
I have to end it. Right now.
First thing Monday.
Well, Saturday is her sister's wedding and then Sunday...
You know, sundays are just for me. You guys know that.
Wait, her sister's wedding? That's what you should be afraid of.
Gilfoyle: That's the threshold that you don't want to cross.
I mean, weddings are very public events with photographers taking pictures of you,
indelibly tied to her.
I mean, those are forever photos.
Forever.
Fuck.
Hey, guys. Um...
I'm trying to find erlich. Is he "holding?"
I'm afraid you caught me at an inopportune time.
I'm long overdue to a trip to my dispensary, so I don't have much,
but I have bubba kush, chocolate thunder, Barbara bush,
Barbara Streisand, Barbara bush junior...
Yeah, this is plenty.
No, no, that's actually for my astigmatism.
- Okay. - Tut-tut-tut-tut.
This is in case of emergency only. I'll need it if an earthquake occurs.
Okay, just give me whatever. I don't care. It's not for me. It's for ed chen.
What are you up to, clever girl?
Well, I took your advice.
It wasn't pretty, but I bro'd down with him pretty hard.
I mean, I think I did. To be honest, I was kind of all over the map.
I shot-gunned a warm beer
and then I acted all blown away
when he showed me 40 minutes of snowboarding videos
set to diplo remixes.
Good on you.
But it worked. I'm in.
Ed copped to everything and said that as long as I don't say anything to Laurie,
I have a seat at the table.
Huh.
Wait, did he say that? Those were his exact words?
You'll have a seat if you don't tell Laurie?
Yeah. So?
- Oh, dear, that does not bode well for you. - What do you mean?
Well, if ed chen is afraid of you saying anything to Laurie,
then that means that the deal isn't solidified yet.
He doesn't have the votes.
Unfortunately for you, that would mean
you may have put your money on the wrong horse.
So, you mean Laurie still has a chance to survive this coup?
Well, then why did you say I should bro down with ed chen?
I say a lot of things, Monica.
I say a lot of things.
Dinesh: Um...
I know you'd think I'm sort of crusading badass
who built a ticking time bomb and slipped it to Gavin belson
to bring him down as retribution for his wrongdoings,
but the truth is,
because of my gross incompetence
during my brief and utterly disgraceful tenure as piperchat's ceo,
I incurred billions of dollars in coppa fines by exploiting underage users,
and was saved only by my own cowardice,
which led to me throwing up on myself.
Anyway, I'll show myself out.
I'm so proud of you.
It took guts for you to tell me this.
Oh, no. No, no, no. It didn't, actually.
Full disclosure. I knew all about this.
I hacked into your phone the first night we were together
when you were in the bathroom.
I was in there a while.
I was hoping that once I earned your trust,
you'd feel comfortable telling me, and you finally did.
I did.
This may sound crazy, but if you hadn't by this weekend,
I was actually considering disinviting you from my sister's wedding.
No way.
But you trusted me with your big secret, so I'll trust you with another of mine.
Oh, no, no. You don't have to do...
I hacked the elevators at the freedom tower.
Fucking kill me and send me to the horrors of heaven.
It would be better than this shit.
Guys, I know this has been a ton of work,
and we wouldn't have to do it if pretty boy kept his mouth shut,
and the stealth launch is still clearly the play,
but now we can show Gavin that we fleshed out both options
and we can still push the space-saving app
And not talk about our new Internet until we're ready.
- Ahoy, gents! - Geary street.
What, are you eating health food now?
Can you imagine?
Geary street organics is not a health food store?
Richard, you are a stitch. No, it's my dispensary.
I mean, they have some edibles there. They're not very healthy.
Fucking blood boy.
- Hey. - Hey.
Uh... yeah. I was walking around your hood,
and I thought I'd swing by and we could talk about tech, you know,
because we both know so much about it.
Cool.
Oh, man, I don't know if you noticed, but your eyes are super red right now.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I have allergies.
Really? This time of year?
Huh.
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, just hanging, man. Why, you paranoid?
Paranoid? No.
You know, Bryce, I gotta be honest. I'm a little hungry.
You have anything to eat?
Just some creatine protein powder...
Soy extract.
Well, I'm kind of looking for something a little bit more sweet.
Oh, Bryce.
Yeah, that's not mine.
That's for my guests. My fat guests.
You know, the fella who owns the house I live in,
he buys food like this
because when he uses the products
he buys at the very same health food store you go to,
he gets cravings for food just like this.
And this stuff is not good for your blood.
Geary street organics isn't a food store, is it?
It's a pot dispensary.
Isn't it?
I gotcha, Bryce, you fuckin' liar.
You said you had a degree in cs?
Well, bullshit. I checked.
It's not "computer science" it's "callisthenic studies."
What? What?
You listen to me, you muscle-bound handsome Adonis.
Tech is reserved for people like me, okay?
The freaks, the weirdos, the misfits, the geeks, the dweebs, the dorks.
Not you.
And your days of leeching off Gavin belson are over.
Game over, blood boy.
You fuckin' nerd.
Monica: Laurie?
Look, I know you've been unhappy with me lately.
Correct.
Look, I'm asking you to trust me on something.
Ed chen has been making moves behind your back with the other partners
to try and force you out of raviga.
You are referring to the baby shower ruse.
You knew about that?
Monica, this is my fourth child.
I am no stranger to these types of machinations.
- However, I have countervailed it with my... - Your fourth child?
Yes.
As I was saying,
I have spoken to our top lps and lined up enough of them
in order to leave raviga and start a new firm.
It struck me as a opportune time to jump ship.
Holy shit, you're a fucking ninja.
Even though your disclosure just now had absolutely no actionable value,
it did reveal tremendous loyalty, so all is well now.
So, you're not mad at me anymore?
No, Monica.
I am a human being just like you, like ed chen, and this.
Furthermore, a question, Monica.
Would you care to jump ship with me?
You are, after all, my best friend.
What?
Fuck.
Mia: What the fuck are you doing? FBI agent: Hands behind your back, now!
Oh, um... I got it.
Mia: You can't do this! FBI agent: Calm down.
Woman: Let her go! Mia: I want my lawyer!
- And just take the cuffs off! - What is the meaning of this?
- Dinesh, they're arresting me! - What?
Step back, sir.
Good people of the FBI, I don't know what sorts of things you were told,
or who told them to you, we may never know,
but I can assure you that this young woman is...
Gavin, I'm sorry to drop in on you,
but I happened to have a very enlightening conversation
with your "transfusion associate."
So did I.
Sorry?
Come in, Richard.
Oh, wow.
It's all broken. Again.
Mind the glass.
Okay.
He's writing a tell-all?
Apparently he landed a very lucrative deal to air my dirty laundry over the years.
He said it was his only career move left.
I told you, Richard. Everything I do is news.
But didn't he sign an nda with you? I mean, can't you sue him?
That would only prove everything he's saying is true and make it worse.
Speaking of, I had my blood tested this morning.
My cholesterol is through the roof.
At this rate, I'll be dead by the age of 120.
Oh, no. That... I'm so sorry.
Richard, I'm sorry.
I told you that a big public roll-out of our product would be good for the company.
The truth is, I thought it would be good for me.
To change the narrative that I'm a fraud and a failure.
Come on. Bryce is the fraud.
And yet I sat here taking business advice from him.
A fucking blood boy.
Just look at me.
I'm a fraud and everyone knows it.
And when I fell, not one person stood up for me.
What does that say?
I just think it's all over for me now.
No, it's not over.
Look, I chose to partner with you. That says something.
You didn't want me. You wanted the patent.
If I had just given it to you, you would have walked out that door and never looked back.
Fuck it.
I'm done.
Done?
No. No, Gavin, you're not done.
I mean, what about our company? What about the new Internet?
Gavin: I don't know.
I don't know.
Gavin.
Gavin: Fuck you, god!
What have I done to deserve this?
Uh, yes. Cj cantwell, please?
Something you want to share with us, Richard?
I take it you saw the interview?
"Belson and Hendricks prepare to launch a pied Piper product soon."
So much for a stealth roll-out.
You went along with him, after all.
Techcrunch, and recode, and the wall street journal picked it up, as well.
Gilfoyle: I hate to invoke the nazarene,
but Jesus Christ, what the fuck, Richard?
Guys, in a world where there is no Gavin belson, yeah,
the stealth roll-out was the best play.
But we need his patent, and his funding,
and also we need his brain.
I know this is gonna be a shit ton of work,
but Gavin is our partner, we need him engaged,
I made the call.
Well, sometimes you have to make compromises.
I mean, I once slept with the head of an assisted living facility
to get my friend Muriel bumped up the wait list.
Am I proud of it? No.
Do I regret it?
I'm out!
Oh, my god.
Out of what, exactly?
My relationship!
The wedding got raided.
The FBI got an anonymous tip about Mia's hacking exploits.
Can you believe that?
That's just my luck. I'm home free!
You ratted your girlfriend out to the FBI
because you're too big of a pussy to break up with her?
I'll never tell, but, yes. Yes, I did.
The FBI lady hit me in the face, so Mia's never gonna suspect me.
Uh, Richard, now that Mia and I have parted ways,
can I come work for you at Gavin's, please?
Please. Please?
Well, yes, dinesh. Of course.
Uh, in fact, we just announced, so climb aboard.
Awesome! I'm gonna go and call periscope and tell them I quit.
Best day ever! No more dick pics!
Hello, Gavin.
Gavin: Richard, lread your little article.
What you said means a great deal.
I'm sure of the situation was reversed, you'd do the same for me.
Absolutely not.
I would have let you bleed to death in the street.
Oh.
Gavin: And that gives me pause.
I have a lot of work to do, Richard.
Richard: We all do, so...
Get back on the saddle, you.
Gavin: No, Richard.
I have a lot of work I need to do on myself.
I'm going away.
For, like, the weekend or...
Gavin: No, Richard, many weekends.
Weekdays, as well.
Where?
Uh, hang on. There's someone at the door.
Gavin: Lknow. Lsent you something.
Consider it a little parting gift.
Good luck to you, Richard.
It's from Gavin.
What is it?
It's the patent.
He just signed over full ownership to me.
On the phone, he said he was gonna go find himself.
I think Gavin's gone.
Well, what about his funding and his brain?
I think he took both of those with him.
We got one more thing.
All right! What has two thumbs, zero dick pics and just quit periscope?
What the fuck is that?
The biggest dick pic of all.