1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,156 Mama had a Chickie. 2 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:02,270 Mama had a Cow. 3 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:04,829 Dad was proud, he didn't care how. 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:10,800 Cow! 5 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:15,595 Chicken! 6 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,519 Cow and Chicken! 7 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,792 Hey, how can we help you, pilgrim? 8 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,393 Door-to-door joke salesman! 9 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,199 All right, there was these two cops, pat and mike. 10 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,271 I'm sorry. We don't need any jokes. 11 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,794 We got two kids. 12 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,269 Why didn't you say so? 13 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,318 You see, I'm... I'm a beauty pageant scout! 14 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,074 And I am always looking for kids! 15 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,309 Let me at them! 16 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,437 Your daughter's a Cow! 17 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,558 Oh, I mean, oh a beautiful cow. 18 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,439 I urge you to enter your daughter into the beauty pageant. 19 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,831 You know, I do come from a long line of beauty contest winners. 20 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,877 My father was a beauty king. 21 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,639 And my father's father. 22 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,631 And my father's father's father. 23 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,757 All of them beauty kings! 24 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,275 And my father's father's father's father, and my... 25 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,873 I got the point! 26 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,396 I'm going to be a beauty queen! 27 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,078 Oh, pardon. 28 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,390 Looks like I'd better start right away. 29 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,271 Voi-la-la! 30 00:01:55,360 --> 00:02:00,035 Ladies and gentlemen, your Cow's a beauty! 31 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,555 Is I beautiful? 32 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,960 Oh, wow! 33 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,752 Oh, hello girls! 34 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,038 Oh, my! What a lovely wig you are wearing. 35 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,190 You know, girls? 36 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,636 You really should slather your muzzle with mayonnaise. 37 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,712 It keeps it very soft and pink. 38 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,200 I also brush my teeth with peanut butter, 39 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,271 just in case I swallow it. 40 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,656 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 41 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,956 And welcome to the annual beauty queen pageant! 42 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,919 I'm leslie swinebog, and I'll be your host for the evening. 43 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,310 How about a hand for our revered panel of judges, 44 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,553 and of course our very beautiful contestants. 45 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,674 Mom? Dad? Chicken? 46 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,400 Oh, my family is in the audience! 47 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,872 Look! There's Cow! 48 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,633 Isn't she beautiful? 49 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,950 We begin with the talent competition. 50 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,637 And first up, we have miss sassafras with a musical piece. 51 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:03,035 When I take you to the hen house and I Whittle you a stick... 52 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,916 - Geez! - Yeah! Cow! 53 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,470 Next up is the swim suit competition. 54 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,794 Don't look, son. 55 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:26,594 Now for the weight competition, and we begin with miss acarina. 56 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,798 It's the end. The end. 57 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,234 I'm ruined. 58 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,153 Next, we have the inner beauty competition. 59 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,674 Let's go to the clips. 60 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,831 I like, flowers? 61 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:47,073 I'd rally people and raise funds to help feed these poor city pigeons. 62 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,790 The best way to see my inner beauty is with an x-ray thingie. 63 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,109 And last but not least, 64 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,192 we have the "what would I do if I won?" Speech. 65 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,840 If I won, I would jump up and down and scream and then... 66 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,196 I would call all my friends and rub it in. 67 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,111 Then I would... 68 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,239 Gee. If I won, I, would be glad. 69 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,836 Oh, ma-ma and pa-pa would be ever so glad, too. 70 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,914 And I would teach more Cows to be beautiful 71 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,355 and win all the beauty pigeons. 72 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,876 And soon, everyone will have a new scooter to ride on 73 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,715 and plenty of mayonnaise for all! 74 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:24,913 Mayonnaise! 75 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,436 I would tell the whole world that it doesn't matter how ugly you are, 76 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:33,196 because everyone is bea-oo-tiful, if you squint a bit. 77 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,399 And I would buy shoe horns for the needy 78 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,279 and save the starving ferrets of poland. 79 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,510 And... as president, 80 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,752 I would rid america of all unwanted hair and lint. 81 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:49,117 The Cows of the future will never look back! 82 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,510 Look out, world! 83 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:57,118 'Cause I am a queen of all beauty queens! 84 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:58,954 Thank you. 85 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,711 The judges have returned with their decision 86 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,952 based on the girls total points... and merits. 87 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,519 Oh, I just can't look. 88 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,600 Me neither. 89 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,996 And now for the most charming girl of the beauty pageant. 90 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,479 The envelope, please? 91 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:17,872 And the winner is... Miss Bovine! 92 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,311 I won! 93 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,277 All right, Cow! Yeah! 94 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,000 Miss Bovine, ladies and gentlemen! 95 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,311 Well, how does it feel, Miss Bovine? 96 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:34,439 Oh, I am, I am so happy. I... 97 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,479 Now, the judges say that you won by your sheer inner beauty and overall charm. 98 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:39,277 Are they right? 99 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,795 Well, I guess they must be. 100 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,800 I am... My roses! 101 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,279 My tiara! 102 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,034 I've been robbed! 103 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,910 Robbed? 104 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,469 How could this happen to our beautiful girl? 105 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,120 Nobody steals from my big little sister! 106 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,316 Backstage, everyone! 107 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,190 There he is! 108 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:03,280 Get him! 109 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,078 Butts galore? 110 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,069 Get the stuff! 111 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,356 Oh, no, no! You cannot have it! 112 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,760 It's mine! 113 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:16,196 I've always wanted to be the most beautiful, but never could. 114 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:24,958 Taking Cow all the way to the finish was an elaborate scam, so that I... 115 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,351 I could wear the tiara and hold the roses, 116 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,272 at least just once. 117 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,909 It's okay, butts galore. Don't worry. 118 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,559 You can wear the tiara, 119 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,996 and I'll split the roses so we can share them. 120 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,912 All right, Cow! 121 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:50,158 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you butts galore and Cow! 122 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,590 Wanna see my inner beauty? 123 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:02,359 This is the happiest day of my life!